Wednesday, July 13, 2005

WRITE UP FOR PLAYOFF MATCH 1: A DRINKIN' AND FRIENDLY 10-5 WIN

CAPTAIN'S LOG: DART DATE 7-12-05

A giant Saint Bernard puppy sprawled out by the door, The Chicken Stand Throw Down Band playing bluegrass music and a crowd gathered around the dartboard at George Keeley. All the tell tale signs were in place: The playoffs were on and The Dartbags were in.

In their first playoff game in Division B, The Dartbags welcomed By Mistake Muder Focker -- a worthy adversary and as good a bunch of guys as you could want to meet.

It was a festive occasion with the presence of Wife Emily, Dartbaguette Hope, Friend Omer, Andre the Giant.We received a good luck call from once-and-always Dartbag Ian Gallagher. In fact, the only 'Bag missing was Tim. There was even a surprise appearance by Colin "The Microwave" O'Donnell and his new bride Rachel just back from the mountains of Peru.

Colin: "Macchu Pichu, dude."

The night started off cold. Literally. The AC was cranking so hard it felt like a meat locker. Opting against huddling together for warmth (though Lou seemed stangely insistent on the idea), the 'Bags decided to fight off the cold the way our fathers have for centuries -- through heavy intake of alcohol.

Glenn started things off against Jason with Earphones. Just last night Jason swept his opponent in A division, 3 games to zip. But this is Pike. He's the janitor of George Keeley -- he does the sweeping around here. Eleven rounds later the 'Bags were up 1-0.

Frank was locked in a close one against Paul and stuck himself on 5. Unfazed he calmly hit a 1, a 2 and went out on double 2 for the win.

He shook hands with his opponent. Retrieved his darts.... Wait. Why is everyone staring at me?... Someone offered him a clue, "That's a bust. Shoulda thrown at Double 1."

Oh, sh*t. He would salvage the match by hitting X for the win. 2-0 bags.

Lou spared everyone the comedy and bad math and won a close one against the other team's captain.

However, even has he was winning his fight against the Gaf Men, he was losing ground in an even more epic battle with the Ithaca Brewing Company. We all know Lou throws best when he's had a few in him. After starting the evening with a glass of Chimay (8% ABV), he decided to switch to another beer and uttered these fateful words, "Drew, I'll try that Ithaca Double IPA." which is 10 (yes 10) % ABV.

Consider for a moment that pint of Guinness is 4% ABV and do the math...

Exactly.

(Please see Lou's revelations below this post.)

Cup followed suit with yet another close win against Rich. None of our matches were up to our standards. None was 10 rounds or less, but doubling out proved tough for both teams and we were just fortunate to do it first.

Vince dropped his match to Jim in a contest that resembled one of those sped up, fast-forward comedy sketches on Benny Hill. The only thing missing was a sax solo. Poor Lou, gamely fighting the effects of Double IPA, could barely keep up. ("Wait... hold on... whaddija hit?...)

Apparently we don't do speed darts. 4-1 good guys.

But RJ got the 'Bags back on track("The Surgeon!") by beating Steve -- who faintly resembled a young Martin Mull -- giving us 5-1 lead at the break.

Feeling pretty good about ourselves. We headed into Our Game.

We were probably feeling too good about ourselves. The Gaf had yet to bring their good darts. We were actually very fortunate to be winning. Pike and Frank started out against Speed Round Jim and Jason. After an exceedingly long warm up session as we were about to begin the match, Farty captured the sentiment of the restless crowd as Glenn stepped up to start.

Line of the Night (TM)

Farty (to Frank): "So... what happened in the first match?"

Touchee, mon frere.

Pike was nasty 380 ASPs (that trip 15 close, double bull and 17 drove the nail in). Frank generally resembled a backpack for the match, but tossed a few good rounds and 'Bags swept. 7-1

Next Lou and Cup faced off against John and Joe. They dropped the first one in a sloppy contest before rallying -- principally behind Cuppa Joe -- to take the second match. The win pushed us to a still comfortable 8-2 lead.

Cheese and RJ ran into a two headed buzzsaw named Rich and Paul and dropped both contests. And the tie in cricket left the 'Bags up 8-4 heading into the final round.

Pike and Drunk Lou faced off against Jim and Jason in double '01. Those two guys are tough players who play A on Mondays. With Pike having trouble doubling in and Lou distracted by the Invisible Leprechaun perched above the dartboard -- "SHHHHH! Guys... (hiccup)... he's still lookinatme... ithink he's tryin'tell me somethin (hiccup). " -- the 'Bags dropped the first one. 8-5 good guys but now with a 4 game losing streak. Pike again didn't double in as fast as he wanted to and Louis failed to heed the advice of the Seamus the Leprechaun (with whom he was now on a first name basis).

Seamus: "Fait and begorrah!! Just trow yer dahrts at the middle of th' bard, laddie!! Aim fer da middle!!"

Lou (to apparently no one): "I'm am aimin fer middle, Seamus (hick). They keep goin off the side onme."

Seamus: "Yer always after me locky chairms!!!"

Lou (long pause): "Thah wuzzin me, Seamus. I swear. I wuzzin even in tha c'mercial."

Well, Pike did get them in eventually. And what followed was one of the best comebacks you'll see as the 'Bags erased a 250 point deficit, counted down to 48 and Pike nailed it -16-16-double 8 for the win, leaving a pair of very stunned Gaffers. The win was huge because it clinched the tie.

Jim would later admit, "I thought for sure we were going to get back to 8-6"

Fortunately, Cheese did not encounter any leprechauns or gmomes or receive any coded messages through the juke box. He doubled in on his second dart. He and Frank moved down quickly and Cheese put away a double 9 for the victory sealing the win for the Dartbags.

Score it 10-5.

We proceeded to do victory shots (with the other team) of Jameson's and drink Victory Ales for the remainder of the night. Marty proceeded to take the Legs money in an impressive showing, stunning Glenn in the finals.

To the credit of both teams, we had MOST of our players there until 2 in the morning, drinking and enjoying good fellowship. Hats off to the East Gaf for producing a team of fine dart players and good sports.

Next week we are home against a very tough team, The Undependables. They were an A team but took a year off, so they are now in B. We will have our hands full with this bunch who are a very skilled and very competent dart team.

Let's be clear about this... if we play the way we did next week the way we did this week... we can expect to lose. Nobody wants that. So let's stay focused.

And let's not have that 4th Double IPA (Lou, I'm looking at you.)

That is all.

Or is it? All comments welcome

-Your Captain
Frank

2 Comments:

Blogger joey pep said...

nice one, cap....sans a few spelling mistakes, i mean...

8:15 AM  
Blogger joey pep said...

OH MY GOD....WHY HAS NO ONE GIVEN MAJOR PROPS TO CAP FOR THAT SAX SOLO LINK.....AMAZING!

3:19 PM  

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