Monday, October 18, 2010

WEEK 3 - FALL 2010

Hard To Swallow

The Week 3 Smoothie

- 2 cups glass (in shards)
- 1 cup asparagus infused urine
- 1 cup breast milk
- 1/2 cup rabbit feces
- 2 tsp wasabe powder
- 1 whole catfish
- 1 oz pistachio ice cream

Place ingredients in blender.
Pulse to desired consistency.
Serve in a frosty mug.


Thats what it was like losing 
in week 3 against Jody Got Your Girl,
11-7 at the Bleecker Bar.

Down 6-2 after singles, the Dartbags
split the rest of the night 5-5, leaving way
too many points out on the board, and
the aforementioned nasty-ass concoction
left for the swillin'.

Props however to Porntros, who
despite being fresh off of an upstate
wedding bender, took a singles split from a 
good player.  305 all-star points for the pimp, 
and then he was out.

STD infested.
Chamberlain darts.

With a chance to tie, JFK and I, Cuppa,
"dropped the ball", losing the last 2 games
of doubles 501.  

If there was a drinking game to be had
using The Week 3 Smoothie, we would
have been co-anchor men.

Pya Lou would have all but pretended 
to take a sip, and I wouldn't have even let 
Chris partake in it.

But we would have deserved that.

Ok.....maybe not that - thats just foul.

But you get the point.  We didn't play well. 
And don't worry, Pya Lou let us know
about it...(cough glass houses cough)

The highlight of the night however, as it 
has been all season, was cricket.

As a team, we raked like Robinson Cano
in the ALCS.  Like The Situation at a 
fist-pumpin night club.

10 all-star rounds in total, and very clutch.

'Bag O The Night

Individually, it was Mellenballs who 
once again threw filthy, dirty, nasty darts,
leaving the other team shaking their heads,
and the 'bags giddy like little school girls
at Bieberpalooza.

Good stuff, once again...My Lucille.

And that was pretty much a wrap.
Put it in a brown paper bag, light it
on fire on someone's porch, and
run like hell.

All-star Recap:

Mellenballs - 620
JFK - 395
Pya - 340
Porntros - 305
Cuppa - 195

Tonight, the Dartbags are home at The Jeek.

May we throw like Cliff Lee playing for a 
megabucks contract next season.

Go Texas Rangers.


Friday, October 01, 2010

WEEK 2 - FALL 2010


W stands for win.  The Dartbags won their
week 2 match against The Tempests, 11-7.

W also stands for wet.  Not in the Joy Harmon
way wet....but as in weather.  Bad weather.
Torrential downpours added drama to monday
night's contest, as 3 of the 'bags were out of town,
and 2 were attempting to fly back.

Would at least 1 of the Dartbags be able to
make it to the match....on....time.....?

(match on time...)

Ultimately, it was Mr. Kwonderful,
James Effing Kwon who would come through
hugetime, fighting through the weather and heroically
dragging his ass in time to avoid any forfeiting
of the points stuff, and canadian tomfoolery.

Here's what happened...

Pya, Porntros and My Lucille - Chris The Freak -
Mellenballs - Mellen took to the oche against
a pretty decent squad, who was in A2 last season.

With kwon-man-down, the 'bags split the first
6 games 3-3, postponing JFK's singles turn until
later when he arrived.

Round 1 of cricket left The Tempests on top 5-4...

...but also being at the half-way point of the match,
left 3 weary 'bag boys this close to forfeiting their
pending singles games, and also forcing them to
throw Petros to the wolves of canadian-cricket.

Top 10 ways to distract the opposing darts team
long enough until your last man arrives:

10)  Fake an emergency phone call.

9)  Carly Simon.

8)  "The stain above the urinal looks like Jesus."

7)  Put on a minstrel show - this may also get
your ass kicked, but a distraction nonetheless.

6)  Space cakes.

5)  "Hand-grenade" the other team - revive them
when your guy arrives - if they're still alive.

4)  "Who wants some Tullamore Dew?"

3)  Mookie Wilson.

2)  Boobies - unfortunately, we don't have any.


And the number 1 way to distract the opposing
darts team long enough until your last man arrives:

1)  Boobies - find some if you don't have any.


Well, I don't know what they did....I wasn't there.
But whatever they did, it worked, and JFK strolled
in at 9:30pm.

(My money is on #5 btw...)

Anywho...the 'bags played on and took the
last 7 of 9 remaining points, en route to a solid
11-7 victory, all things considered.

Monday, we play Jodie Got Your Girl
at the Bleecker Bar.  They're the first place
team after 2 weeks, 1 point ahead of us.

This should be a good one.  I, Cuppa, am in town
and will definitely be there.  Furious, our big toe
and fearless captain should be there as well, for the
first time this season.

Scratch that - Furious played the last round of
doubles in week 1.  In any case, we should be
playing fully loaded for the first time this season.

Loaded indeed...

I don't have the sheet, so there's no allstar recap
this week.  I also don't feel like scanning over
a mish-mash of letters and numbers on the league again, no recap.

Props to all the guys who made it on monday,
especially James, aka Mr. Kwonderful.