Monday, December 22, 2008

Week 13 - Fall 2008

J F K

J isn't for John, it stands for James.

And F isn't for Fitzgerald, it stands for F'ing.

Finally, we have K....and it sure as heck doesn't stand for Kennedy. It stands for Kwon.

Put it all together, and what do you have? A darts player, built like a fire-hydrant with a head.

We call him 'JFK'.

The 24 year old A-league rookie carried the Dartbags to a 14-10 victory, catapulting them into 5th place, skipping over 2 teams in the standings, the Big Triple Hunters, and this weeks opponent, Boolsheet.

JFK opened the match sweeping their best shot, Mark Evans, which is no small task. This guy is solid. All 3 games were slug-fests. JFK hit more 80-somethings than a geriatric giggolo. He answered every big shot with one haymaker of his own, slamming the door on Mark, going out on his first dart in all....3....games.

Ridiculous.

After sweeping singles, he threw FURIOUS on his back and swept cricket. And if it weren't for a momentary lapse in doubles 501, he and CUPPA would have swept that as well.....but the last game of the night got away.

Final score, Dartbags 14 - Boolsheet 10, and 8/9 for The Kwon. The most solid individual performance of the season thus far. Nothing sexy....only 318 allstar points. All he did was win, though, and in commanding fashion.

Give the rest of the 'bags a nod for their supporting roles:

Vince was deadly in cricket.

FURIOUS was solid in singles, taking 2/3 against Garo, who racked up 500 points against him. He also went 7/9 on the night.

CUPPA's hi-light was a back to back T, 4T0, in the final game of the night, setting up JFK to end the match with a doubles sweep. Wasn't to be.....but 14 was good enough.

Allstar recap:

Vince - 345
JFK - 318
FURIOUS - 314
CUPPA - 240

This week is Christmas week, so no darts will be thrown. Next monday is the final match of the season. The Dartbags will take on Threepenny Opera, away, at McSwiggan's bar on 2nd avenue, between 22nd and 23rd.

After a lost season, a 5th place finish for the 'bags would be a huge victory. However, its highly unlikely. The boys play a very tough Threepenny Opera team, who should be set as a 5 point favorite. Boolsheet, who is 3 points behind us, plays Jumbled Alien Paranoia, who's having a very rough season, and would most likely be a 3-4 point underdog.

You get the picture.

But no one really knows what the future holds, and some time before monday......the 'bags should take a step back, and listen to the immortal words of Herm Edwards (click here).

Go Dartbags!

And Merry Christmas, Joy Harmon!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Week 12 - Fall 2008

DOUBLE TROUBLE

No....not that double trouble.

Or that one.

And for the love of God.....not this one.

(Notes: am I crazy, or does the first one look like dartbaguette Nell in double vision? As for the second one, Otis is a bad-ass.....sans the 2 dorky white dudes on sax. And I have no use for chocolate-ice, for cryin' out...)

This version of double trouble starred CUPPA and Vince The Hornets Nest, who turned a potential 13 or 14 point victory into a 13-11 loss, by choking away 3 straight 501 games to the good dudes from Biddy's.....the Big Triple Hunters.

FURIOUS was back from his Parisian honeymoon, but contracted the airplane flu on the trip back. The remedy was a steady diest of hot toddies, but the flu would ultimately win out. The FURIOUS One, despite taking 2/3 from Eric "The Matternhorn" Mattern, would understandable never quite get on track.

It did get us off on the right foot though. At the end of singles.....after less than stellar darts.....we were playing with house money, up 7-5.

Scott "Ooh La La" Sisson played some of the best darts we've ever seen from him. He racked up 425 points, and was out faster than Robert Duncan.

And I, CUPPA, in the same vein, was more like David Gest, as it seemed I'd never get out. However, a flamboyant singles-night-high 495 points, helped snag 2/3 from Tom Gray. Fabulous.

J.FURIOUS.K did the honors, starting us off in cricket, against Eric & Christian "Fuhwhuttitz" Wirth. Nothing against the other guys, but I, CUPPA, who wrote the lineup for cricket, thought Frankwonstein would get us out to a 9-5, or even a 10-5 lead. They've been that good lately, especially JFK.

But the bad-guys took 2/3 rather decisively, cutting our lead to 8-7. Cuppa'cenz would then take 2/3 from red-hot-Scott, and cult-hero Ed Lewis, who wasn't dishin' out R-5's at his usual pace. Props to Vince who smacked a couple of R-7's, and a ridicu-finish to game 3.

The score was now Dartbags 10, BTH 8.

But as we moved into doubles 501.....ladies & gentlemen.......I introduce to you CUPPA & the aforementioned "double trouble". Hey, no one really lit it up on our side, and FURIOUS didn't even stick around to see us get swept, he was so sick. JFK took off as well, leaving Vince and I to wallow alone in our own misery.

BTH took the last 5/6, hi-lighted by a great 146-out by Tom Gray that ended the match, sealing a 13-11 victory.

We left faster and angrier than....I don't know, 2 really fast and angry dudes.

As we stormed out, I could still hear Tom screaming in ecstasy over his 146-out.

So angry.....

Anywho....kudos to Biddy's who are always great hosts.

And big props to the jukebox and the "play mine next" feature.

Note to non-darts people in the bar: if you play Enrique Iglesias or Marc Anthony (who, up until just now, I thought were the same dude), your remaining selections are goin' DOWN.

Which leads us to the Line Of The Night (TM), that was delivered at a low-volume point during Anthony's "You Sang To Me":

CUPPA: "JFK, gimmie all your money....I gotta get this crap off the jukebox."

Allstar recap:

CUPPA - 595
VINCE - 535
JFK - 471
FURIOUS - 195

Tonight....monday, December 15th:

We play Boolsheet at The Jeek. We have an opportunity to jump 2 spots in the standings if we win tonight. Here's our chance to make something happen in an otherwise lackluster season.

I think we're going to battle with JFK, FURIOUS, Vince, and I, CUPPA.

See you there.

And last but not least: LALLYPALOOZA was....in a word: insanity. Great times. There's too much I could type here. Not enough time. Everyone was there. Cheers, and thank you Mr. Lally.

Outtie.

Like.

Gowdy.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Week 12 - Fall 2008

18-6
By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

Do you really need to ask who had 18?

And another gone...and another one gone.

The Dartbags bit the dust, once again.

Sure the 'Hammocks went bananas on us, racking up about 3000 asp's. And, of course, FURIOUS was honeymooning in Paris, which left us without our big-toe....our David Koresh.

Whatever....here's the bottom line: its just another ho-hum drubbing by the opposition. Its become routine now. We had a great time. Even The Hornets were yukkin' it up. The conversation I had at the end of the match kinda sums up the state of the Dartbags union:

"Oh....match is over?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, that was quick. What was the final?"

"18-6."

"18-6? Wow. Nice job guys. And its 10:45? Thats convenient. Thanks for ending it early."

"No problem."

"Hey, before you guys head back to Jersey, can you get us a round of shots? Jamesons."

"Sure."

"Thanks guys!"

Thank you, indeed.

Lets see if I can scrape up some hi-lights here...

1) the Arnold Schwarzenegger calisthenics song, playing on the jukebox, so ridiculously funny that no one could throw.....had to stop the match and figure out how to turn off the jukebox. I highly recommend if you should feel the need to pee in your pants.

2) Craig Aiken hit an R-9, and match high 1028 asp's.

3) CUPPA hitting the double-bull 4 separate times (including a C-4) to keep the 'bags alive in a cricket game that racked up about 1200 points. We lost it, of course. Nice bit of bully though.

4) Vince and C-Mell took 2/3 in doubles '01. Yeah, thats worthy of a hi-light about now.

5) Molly Pitchers did a heck of a job treating us right. We'll remember that, and we will indeed be back as a result. Kudos.

Finito. Exeunt. Good night, Joy Harmon.

Allstar recap:

CUPPA - 705
Vince - 639
Glenn - 605
C-Mell - (-20) you missed the board once...thats -20 each time.

Tonight we play the Big Triple Hunters, at Biddy's. Lets see if we can turn things around.

*LALLYPALOOZA is December 13th, at Gaf East.

*Last night, Jamie Donovan beat James O'Brien 16-3 in their second head-to-head money match at Biddy's. And in the undercard, CUPPA tied Harlan and his Achy-Blaikie-Darts, 2-2. Kiss your sister....

Outtie...like...Gowdy.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Week 11, Fall 2008

Dartbags In Disarray
By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

Disorder.

Confusion.

A mess.

That pretty much sums up whats been going on the past 4 weeks. Disorder, in that....for multiple reasons, we don't really know who's playing from week to week anymore.

Confusion, for mysterious reasons, our performance levels have dropped dramatically, pretty much across the board. Some....like I, CUPPA....more than others. And where have the weekly writeups been? The same place as my darts game: MIA.

But its not without good reason...

I can only speak for myself....but add a dash of "I'd rather focus my attention elsewhere" in the mix.....and what you end up with is a mess. At least in terms of playing darts. Everything else in life seems to benefit, but lets not go there, this is a darts blog after all.

Maybe someday my friends and I will get together over coffee and a book. Or Bible readings at church. Maybe boxing class, or yoga. Things that don't involve boozing til 1am on a monday night. And lets be honest. Show me a sober guy at a darts match, and I'll show you a Jew for Jesus. I know.....they exist, but you get my point.

I think it was Groucho Marx who said, "half of life is just showing up". Well that works the other way around, too. Don't bring the fat guy to White Castle.

Anyhow....the past 4 weeks, we've gone 0-3-1. We barely....and I think undeservingly....squeezed out a tie against Paul "The Quiz" Quisenberry and J.A.P. My game has been so far down the toilet, Paul couldn't even look at me without shaking his head, in sympathetic pity. Of course, we played eachother again in singles. No matter how you shake the lineup, its CUPPAQuiz everytime. Death, taxes, Joy Harmon somewhere in our blog....and you bet I'm playin' Paul in singles.

It used to be a good rivalry. Now its like Lennox Lewis, beating on Mike Tyson, begging him to put his hands up.

We've had some personal bright spots here and there. JFK, for example has turned into our most consistent shot. The kid is good. Message to dart-geeks: remember the name James Kwon.

FURIOUS, when he's been able to show up, has had some bright spots as well. Like hitting a ton-80 with one shoe on.

Thats pathetic.

But, its been what its been.

And tonight it gets even worse!

We play The Banana Hammocks, at Molly Pitchers. I have no idea who these guys are. I didn't play the first match, where we got beaten down like red-headed mules...

???

...but what I do know, is that, aside from Julio'brien, and Menace To Sobriety, they've been beating the snot out of everyone in the division.

Yaayyy!

And FURIOUS is in France, on his honeymoon....to make things even easier. But, like I said, that's par for the course this season. Heck, I didn't play last week, and we had to play canadian against the aforementioned Menace.

If you get a chance to read this, Frank, while you're in gay Paris.....I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, that you're a bigger dart-geek than I thought......STOP READING THIS! YOU'RE IN FRANCE, for cryin' out....

Anyway....tonight, I think we're going with CUPPA, The Werewolf, The Hornet's Nest, and the c-melliest darts player in the NYDO, C-Mellen.

Oh...one more thing: Joy Harmon.