El Capitán y Señor Cocón

The Rallybone Rumble
by Cuppa Joe Gasparino

The bye week.

The bye week sucks.

But this season, teams in their bye week
are supposed to play other teams in their
bye week, from other divisions.

In the Dartbags case (The Most Drinkenest and
Friendliest Team in the NYDO, TM), they were
supposed to play The Dog Eaters, from the Edge bar,
a place that, in many ways, is a home-away-from-home
for the 'bags.

This exhibition match has a small incentive.

The winner of the match gets 13 points,
the loser 11...a point more than the default 12 points
a bye team is given on their week off. Or a point less.

Well, this is all 'pointless', because it never happened.

Despite the Dartbags furious captain, Frank Murtha,
calling, emailing, text-messaging, bat-signaling, smoke-signaling,
pony-expressing, carrier pigeoning, The Dog Eaters were
nowhere to be found. Incognito.

However, the 'bags wouldn't be stopped from playing
this week. The Dog Eaters failure to step up to the plate
gave birth to a new addition to Dartbag lore:

An intrasquad grudge-match, called "The Rallybone Rumble".

4 Dartbags showed up for the scuffle, hungry to throw
some mean darts, especially after coming off of a big
week 1 victory, 16-8. These are the men who would
get in the ring:

El Capitán, Frank Murtha
The Hornet's Nest, Vince Lambert
IYH, Glenn Arthur Pike
Señor Cocón, Cuppa Joe Gasparino

(The Microwave, Colin O'Donnell, also showed up,
but too late to enter the scuffle. At half-time, he scrapped
with a couple of 'bags in a few games, tossed some big
numbers and split.)

Before the night was over, The Captain would reach
a new level, Cuppa would get a new nickname, and
the Rallybone would be presented in a new, mean,
black-laquered finish.

To determine teams, the 4 guys warmed up and played
a quick round-robin set of three 501 games, single-double.
Every guy played every other guy, and the teams were set:

CuppaFrank vs. VinGlennzo

The same format was used as in a regular season match.
Here we go.

Round 1 - singles 501

Glenn beat Cuppa Joe, 2-1. Frank beat Vince, 2-1.
After round 1, the score was tied, 3-3.

Glenn started slowly, but picked it up half-way through
the first game, including a ton-36. He burned Cuppa
down to the wire in game 1, but Cuppa lived up to his mantra,
"it aint over til its over", and "never give up....don't ever give up"
(sounds familiar, hmm).

He took out game 1, grinding it out with 45's and 57's,
after being down over 200 points.

Game 2 was insane.

Glenn, who's been living up to his nickname so far this
season, IYH, began with a stellar performance:
ton-21, 95, 95, ton-34.

In 12 throws, he was on 56.

Wow.

With a chance at a 14-darter, he hit the 16 on his first,
but his second and third darts eluded the double-out.
Cuppa was counting down pretty hard with a 95
and a ton-17, but there wasn't much he could do to combat
Glenn's insanity. A few rounds later IYH took the victory.
Kudos for ridicudarts and drama.

Frank took 2 from Vincenzo, but that wasn't the story.
The story was El Capitán reaching a new level. TheCaptain
went berzerk. Vince could be heard saying things like, "unreal...",
"this is ridiculous", "frank, you're insane".You get the idea.

After it was all said and done, the all-star point sheet
looked like this:

T-40
T-25
95
T-20
T
T
T
T
T

'Nuff said.

Vince was able to take game 3 from Frank with some
big darts of his own. With the way the Captain was
throwing, that victory was probably the most impressive.
Those completely insane darts shook up the Hornet's Nest.
Don't do that. For your own good. 'Cenzo took it.

Round 2 - doubles cricket

CuppaFrank took all 3 from VinGlennzo.

VinGlennzo was game, but unfortunately, they ran into
a buzzsaw. The CuppaFrank tag-team was Hawk & Animal.
El Capitán was en fuego, hitting an R-6 and an R-7, not to mention
what seemed like a million trips. He started it, but Cuppa closed it.

And I mean closed it. Move over Mariano.

CuppaBull closed every game, each on CuppaFrank's
first chance at bulls:

Game 1, single-single-double bull.
Game 2, single-single-double bull.
Game 3, double bull, first dart.

After cricket, the overall match score was:

CuppaFrank - 6
VinGlennzo - 3

Round 3 - doubles 501, double in-double out

Vince and Glenn were looking for revenge in the final round.
Getting swept doesn't sit well with The Hornet's Nest and IYH.
Vince was fired up and raring to go.

But Glenn was nowhere to be found.

30 minutes later, IYH appeared out of nowhere.
Let's just say his disappearance remains a mystery.
And on top of making the guys wait, and who were now
really raring to go....IYH decided he was finished playing.

He quit.

This practically started a riot. However, Cuppa and Vince
peppered him with a combination of criticism and guilt, which
proved too much for Glenn to endure. He picked up his darts
and had no choice but to continue and finish The Rallybone Rumble.
Nice job, Cuppa'cenzo.

Frank and Cuppa took 2 out of 3, when all was said and done,
with VinGlennzo taking the middle game, after getting
off to a flying start, including a double-bull-on by Glenn.

There were good darts all around, but the highlight was
another Road-Warrior-esque effort, which led to a new nickname
for Cuppa Joe: Señor Cocón. Let's just say the nickname is derived
from the idea that Cuppa's 'on' ability has been 'gutsy', 'cocky' and
'manly'....if you will....but please don't.

Anyway...

Coming off of a big week 1, which included a ton-54-on,
Cuppa started game 1 with double-20, triple-19, but missed
the trip-19, hitting a single-7. Just missing a repeat of week 1,
he started the game off with another big-on, ton-04.
Nice work, Señor Cocón.

Frank hammered a couple of tons giving them a chance
to go out in 15 darts...something they had done a week
earlier against Who Darted?. They didn't, but ended up taking
the game out, with Cuppa on X.

VinGlennzo took the middle game, but CuppaFrank took
the last game. The match was over, but no one, except maybe
Glenn, wanted to stop. Vince lobbied for a complete repeat
of the match, in classic Vincenzo style, but was tempered
down to 2 games.

It was later revealed that Vince had jury duty the next day,
which explained his push to play another entire match,
which would have kept the 'bags out til at least 2am.
It was really tough, but the guys managed to tame
The Hornet's Nest and the guys called it a night. Thank God.

Final Score:

CuppaFrank - 8
VinGlennzo - 4

Congrats to El Capitán, Frank, and Señor Cocón, Cuppa Joe
for winning the first annual "Rallybone Rumble".

Big props to all the guys who were able to participate,
and here's to everyone else making it out next time.

Retired Dartbags are welcome as well.

Allstar point recap:

Frank - 1240 - are you kidding me???
Glenn - 679 - IYH returning...
Cuppa - 510 - Señor Cocón??? Oh jeez...
Vince - 95 - the 'nest has been shaken...the pain is coming...

Colin - big props for showing up and adding to a good
night all around, including consistent darts in the intermission.

Get there earlier next time, guy.

Farty and BFT: you were missed. Next time. We want a full
boat for the second annual.

That is all.

WRITE UP FOR WEEK # 1: MAGIC MEATBALLS

CAPTAIN'S LOG: DART DATE: 09 - 15 - 06

Friday night and a bunch of Dartbags are over at Gaf West. Through the haze of numerous beers and the dim light of that fine establishment, Big Friendly Tim spies our good friend Frankie B standing at the bar with his head down, typing intently on some blackberry/keyboard doohickey. Tim does what any good friend would do... he goes over to make fun of him. He comes up behind and throws his big arm around the shoulder of the unsuspecting typer.

TIM: What are you doing? Playing video games in a bar? Why don't you just get it over with! Take your testicles, hand them over to the bartender and say, "I won't be needing these tonight!". Oh sh#t. I'm really sorry..... I thought you were someone else....

Nice job, Tim. Way to sew confusion and terror in unsuspecting bar patrons.

Personally, I take it as an omen that this season will be filled with good darts AND highlarious hijinks. And judging by the results of the season opener at George Keeley , that might just be true. The Dartbags (Most Drinkin'est and Friendliest Dart Team in NYC TM) took on friendly rivals Who Darted? and walked away with a 16-8 victory.

It was a small showing but a quality one. On hand were Pike, Marty, Cup, Tim and Frank. There was no Vince or Colin this time around. Also on hand were Dartbaguettes, Nell and Jessie. Jessie brought homemade sweet and sour meatballs (awesome) and homemade strawberry cheesecake. Thanks again, Jess.

First up was Frank vs. Kats. Neither player really seemed in mid-season form. But considering it was the first game of the year... you sort of had to expect that. In the first game, it was Kats adding a touch of class to a lacklustre affair with a nice 20, 20, D-20 finish. In the second match, Frank trailed by a ton virtually the whole game. But like Will Ferrell debating James Carville in Old School, he managed to summon up a brief moment of mental focus. Sitting on 110 he went 20, T-18, D-18 to steal one and put the good guys on the board. The last game was another nail biter, a D-20 out by The Captain, the difference. 2-1 after the first set.

Next up was Cuppa Joe vs. Rob E. In leg 1, it was Rob E off to a solid start taking the victory. But the D'Bags rallied once again. Cup wasn't looking like his old self so Frank, knowing that he draws strength from AC/DC, offered some encouragement.

Frank: Let's go, Cup. What would Angus do?

Cup (still uninspired): I dunno.... drugs?

But in the middle of leg 2 he began to find his "Joey Pep" stroke, peppering the 19s for 80-somethings amd 90-somethings. Cup heated up and took the final two (a D-16 and a D-2) to score 2 more wins. 4-2, 'Bags.

In set 3, Pike broke out the Ladies (his nickname for his light, almost femininely curved darts that he had abanonded several seasons ago). He faced off against Rob T. Rob never really found his stroke. Glenn was solid and took the first game in steady fashion. In the second game after smacking multiple allstar rounds, Glenn opened up a big lead, but managed to put himself on X. He would hit the double 1 to take it out in time. The 3rd leg was a replay of the second leg. Good darts by Glenn but once again leaving himself on X. With Rob closing in, disaster was averted when he Xed out on his first dart to complete the sweep. Three big points. Call it "Ladies Night" at the GK. 7-2

In the final set, The 'Bags sent Tim out to face Dennis Hayes, a dangerous new addition to Who Darted? In warm ups, Dennis smacked a C-6. You knew these were going to be tough matches. But artillery fire from the Big Friendly One has silenced big guns before. With Dennis under 100, a solid effort by BFT, found him on 116. First dart 20, second dart T-20, third dart... Just north of a D-18. With Dennis sitting on an out, Tim wasted no time and stuck his first dart of the next turn square in the D-18. A nice win. These were good matches. Both players took shots at Double Corks to take out big darts. But solid darts from Tim wasn't enough over the final two. Dennis took the final 2 legs to leave the score at 8-4 headed to cricket.

FrankenTim vs. KatsenDoug. The homeboys were a little slow in game 1, leaving X marks in most every number. The catch up effort failed and they dropped game 1. But the 'Bags brought their "A game" to leg two. Getting up in points, closing open #s with trips, and even splashing a number or two for good measure, they cruised to a W to even the score. In the final game, Kats hit 5 to open. Doug responded with a big round of his own and it got worse from there. The 'Bags were simply run off the board by some great shooting by the Who Darteds. It was like any good execution: Quick and (relatively) painless. 9-6.

The speed of that last ass-whooping would stand in stark contrast to what came next when CuppaGlenn took on Dennis and Rob T. A series of long, point wars. How do you know a cricket game is long? Let me put it this way. When you go to the scoreboard with a fresh Jameson's on the rocks and by halfway through the 2rd leg, all of your ice has melted... that's a long game of cricket, my friend. In game 1, Pike came out like a man possessed (by a demon who is really good at darts, I imagine), popping 5 and 4 at a time. The 'Bags took the first. Game 2 was more competitive. They squared off 20s against 19s and neither side would give an inch. It was probably 20 minutes before anyone even looked at the 17s. But a big R-6 for Glenn helped pull it out. The last game was similar, yet another point war well into the 400s. A 16s and 15s R-6 from Cup helped swing the momentum. It boiled down to a bullseye contest. Each man had a shot to close with 2 and eventually it came down to "next bullseye wins". Cup stepped up and nailed it on dart #3, avoiding near certain defeat with Dennis on deck. It was a drain to watch. I can't imagine what it was like to play. Vintage Pike (really filthy, IYH type stuff all game) along with solid Cup. Big sweep. Made you proud to be a Dartbag. 12-6.

Up next was Cup'nFrank vs. Dennis and Ken. Cup was surprised to see that his name was put first. As he stepped up to the line he expressed his confusion.

Cup: Why am I leading off?

Frank: Because I believe in you.

Maybe it was the encouragement or maybe it was the power of Jessie's meatballs. Whatever it was, Cup preceded to go D-20, T-19, T-19. Holy shnikes! That a DS-154 in your scorebook. From there the 'Bags put on a roll unlike any they had ever had. With no turn under 85, they raced down the board and when Cup nailed a D-16, they completed a 15-Darter. Unreal. Unfortunately, there was no carryover effect. Dennis got the Who Darteds? in immediately, built up a lead and the 'Bags never got in it. But this was a day that Cup was going in and out more than Wilt Chamberlain at stewardess convention. Cup got us in with a D-20 took it home with a D-10 finish. We took 2 0f 3. 14-7.

In the final match it was Pike and Tim versus Kats and Rob E. In the first game, Tim got the good guys in, and out choosing to take out a 6 with a clever 2, D-2 finish. In the second leg, Kats and Rob went to work quickly. The 'Bags barely made it onto the board before the Darted? finished. In the final leg, it was a close affair with Glenn "XXX" Pike once again taking out a D-1 to end the evening on a high note.

Tip the cap to the Who Darted? bunch, always one of our favorites to play. We know full well that they didn't play up to their standards last night, which is frustrating as hell for anyone. But it didn't stop them from being fun to hang out with.

Props to all who sat The Table Dartbag. It was a quality match, but more importantly a quality hang by all. It was a fun way to start out the season.

All Star Recap:

Cup: 559 (with a sick on)
Pike: 408 (8/9 on the night)
Frank: 311 (sweet finish)
BFT: 209 (win over a great shot)