Wednesday, October 12, 2005



The Dartbags (Most Drinkin'est and Friendliest Dart team in NYC) returned to McCarthy's Bar. The last time the 'Bags were there was the first leg of the B Championship where they tied 9-9 with McCarthy's Chameleons. Many of those Chameleons were back (Huboyt, Jason Vorhees, Colin, Angel, etc), but the McCarthyites also picked up a couple of big time shooters, most notably Terrence "The Demon" Demendonca and Mike Murray.

With a few pints under their belts and Nellie and Jess there adding some style and funkiness, the 'Bags were ready to rumble.

Pike faced off against Terrence in the primo heavy weight fight of the night. Pike took the first with some impressive darts. He dropped the second, but splitting with Terrence is a noteworthy feat in and of itself. 1-1

Frank then took on Mike in round two. It, uh, didn't work out so great. After getting out of the gate strong he faded and dropped a pair. 1-3
To disappointing results, Frank wore his recently purchased "Mark Martin #6" NASCAR cap that bears the logo of Martin's team sponsor... Viagara.

Vince piped up: "Since when is Frank doing ads for Viagara?"... which led to...

LINES OF THE NIGHT: RJ and Glenn (without missing a beat) imitating a commercial for male erectile dysfunction

RJ: Have your darts been drooping lately?

Glenn: Do you suffer from embarrassing "bounce outs"?


Restaurant quality comedy there, folks.

That brought up Louis. Louis was sharp, dropping ASPs and hitting strange outs. A double 17 on purpose? Hey, he's an artist. Artists are quirky. Good job by Lou getting the sweep. 3-3

At this point, Frank's cool tunes on the jukebox (Bare Nakeds mainly) were suddenly, some would say suspiciously, pre-empted. And the questions linger... Was it some brilliant psy-ops on the part of the other team? Did someone mean to punch in song number 8504, but hit the "wussy" button insead. Perhaps a 45 year old divorcee fresh off a Lifetime Channel estrogen-fest thought now would be a good time request 20 bucks worth of crap while she drowned her sorrows in cheap wine. Hell, maybe the jukebox just got its period. But what happened next can only be described as a CarlySimon-athon.

We may never know the reason why. But we do know this: Carly Simon is Kryptonite to the Dartbags.

It started out with "You're So Vain". Fine. Decent song. We can all deal with that... but it just kept going... and going... one obscure Carly ballad leading into the next. It was a nightmare.

Vince couldn't get it going. He dropped a pair. 3-5

And Carly's still warbling.

Cup couldn't get it going. He dropped a pair. 3-7

Carly's still bitching about who knows what.

RJ drops the first. 3-8

Carly's STILL yammering away about "clouds in her coffee" or some f*ckin' thing that makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER! Holy Midol, Batman.

If Carly Simon is reading this blog now. Let me just say this. Don't even think about showing up at George Keeley next week. I'm serious. Don't do it. We hate you. We hate you, Carly Simon. Everyone last one of us. With your mouth better suited to harvesting plankton in the North Atlantic than singing your interminably whiny adult contemporary female power anthems, we despise you. A pox upon your house, Carly Simon. May you be performing a duet with Mama Cass any day now. In fact, can we buy you a ham sandwich?

For the first time in my life, I sympathize with James Taylor.

(About the divorce, okay? That's all I'm saying here. Please don't read into that one too much and start writing me nasty letters.)

Anyway, RJ finally broke the Carly Curse but it wasn't easy. It came down to a XX battle with Nikki. It should be called a XXX battle, because this was the dart equivalent of pornography.The game was longer than "Waterworld" viewed in super slo-mo and nearly as boring.

Lou (to RJ): Aim high.

RJ (with perfect calmness and eloqution): It's irrelevant.

Thankfully, mercifully, RJ ended the farce and stopped the bleeding. He was so frustrated he considered leaving for the night right then and there.

We would be glad he didn't.

At the end of Singles... it was 8-4 McCarthy's. Wow. That's pretty ugly.

Pike 'n Lou squared off against the newly acquired gunslingers from the other team --Terrence and Mike. Tough draw. Pike and Lou shot well in game one and nearly took it. They put themselves in a position to win, but a bull run by the bad guys and 3 corks to win it from Mike sealed their fate. Disappointing loss. But the good guys came out strong in the second game. Well, sort of. Glenn missed on his first turn. But so did Terrence. Lou followed with 5 20s, and the 'Bags never looked back.

Absolutely wrecked two of the best players in the league. Pike chipping in with two R-6s and more R-5s than you could shake a stick at.

Not that you'd want to... cause, you'd probably have to go outside to even find a stick...and, really, what's the point anyway?... Moving on. 5-9

Frank and Vince took on Huboyt and Nikki. Some heroic darts by Vince in game one led the charge and the 'Bags won a convincing victory. The motor stalled in game two and the 'Bags developed R Kelly Disease (Trouble with 15s and 16s). Too much to overcome. Bitter loss. 6-10

Last up was Cuppa Joe and RJ. They got out of the gate slowly. So slowly that the other team was beginning to really yuck it up. Smiling. Laughing. Making droll and whimsical observations.

We hate that.

When I went to the bathroom we were down 80 points and had many numbers open. When I came back, it was noticably quieter. I looked at the board... what the hell happened?

RJ hit seven 15s. Few things silence a crowd faster than seven 15s. Cup had chipped in with some closes and points and the 'Bags stormed back to take a victory.

Then they lost the second leg. Splitsville again. 7-11

Frank and Marty teamed up for the 'Bags for the homestretch. They took on Mike and Jason. The good guys got in on the first turn and had a chance to go out, but couldn't cash it in fast enough. The second game would be down to the wire again. Good darts played by all involved. They traded blows on the way down before the 'Bags shook loose. Frank hit a ton. Mike answered with a ton. How would Marty respond? First dart... a 1. Marty said (internally, he didn't actually verbalize this)... screw the ton. He switched to 19s. First dart -Triple, next dart - Triple. I'll see your Ton and raise you 15. Nice answer? YOO BETCHA! Frank took it out to earn the split. 8-12.

Pike and RJ teamed up in Terrence and Huboyt. Pike and Terrence faced off in every round. They couldn't get away from each other. True battles. Worth the price of admission. (Well, it would be. If there were a cover.)

Pike was throwing with purpose alternatively peppering the 19s and 20s. And the Surgeon,fueled by the bottomless well of rage and self-loathing from the first round, hit nine 19s.


So RJ earns another patch to go along with his Ton-80 patch. We had one patch through 4 seasons. RJ gets 2 in 3 weeks. Great stuff, by Ricardo Diego Morrow.

It added up to a a split. 9-13

With the tie now out of reach, Vince-Cup would attempt to salvage the last two points. They faced Colin and Angel to end the evening. Vince was sharp, doubling in first turn and then doubling out of game one and chipping in with a Ton and Ton-20. Cup liked what he saw and had an In'N'Out Burger to end the evening. Two impressive victories by Vincenzo and Cuppa (Some of their best darts all season) to close the gap to 11-13 and send the 'Bags home on a good note.

And that was that. It ended up an 11-13 "loss" to an improved McCarthy's team. It was a true team effort. Everyone contributed points. Everyone hit some all stars for good measure. We definitely had our chances in this one to walk away more points, but the slow start (and f*cking Carly Simon) killed us. Still, taking 11 points in their house is nothing to hang your head about. They are a tough team.

I'd like to offer an observation from cricket. Closing numbers is a good idea. But when we're down significantly points you need to adopt the mentality that we can hit 2-3 bullseye per turn when we need to. Because we can. And we need to. Multiple bulls a turn is no longer too much to ask. (A lot, but not too much). Maybe we need to practice corks more to get comfortable with the concept. But trust El Capitan. We're at that level now.

Next week we head down to Kettle of Fish to play... Kettle of Fish. (Who's naming these A League Team's anyway? Geez.)

We'll see you then.
ASP Recap: 2317, a new team record.

Pike: 530 (Welcome back to Pikeville)
Vince: 440 (A Ton-20... not bad for 2 darts)
Frank: 421 (Probably drops from the All Star Team)
RJ: 416 (Patches O'Houlihan does it again!)
Lou: 215 (And the big sweep too)
Cup: 200 (Joey Pep smackin' 20's)
Marty: 115 (On the board, with 6 big 19s)


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