WRITE UP #1: FIRING IT UP AT GEORGE KEELEY

CAPTAIN'S LOG: DART DATE: 3 - 20 - 06

With St. Patrick's Month still in full effect, the beloved Dartbags (Most Drinkin'est and Friendliest Dart Team in NYC - TM) headed back to George Keeley to continue their assault on the record books, their livers, and general decency. It was a mellower scene at George Keeley , what with most patrons recovering from the weekend's festivities and a slimmed down (in number, not waist size) crew of Dartbags.

Gone on paternity leave are beloved teammates Lou Henry and R.J. "The Surgeon" Morrow. However, thanks to the Dartbags Comprehensive Health and Family Benefits Package (D.C.H.F.B for short) they will continue to receive beer and darts at home until they are able to return to the force. Nonetheless, their departure meant moving from Tuesday (with a roster of 9) to Monday (and a roster of 7). Tonight, all active roster 'Bags were present except the enigmatic Colin "The Microwave" O'Donnell, who was engaged in a "black ops" raid on a drug cartel in an undisclosed Central American country. (Everyone needs a hobby.) Also absent were Hope (The Orignal Dartbaguette), Ginz, Nellie and Jess.

Present from the crew were Big Friendly Tim, Pike, Vince, Marty, Cup, Frank and Lillian.

The 'Bags would be taking on a heretofore unknown adversary, Tavern Revisited, from the Tempest Bar. They were an experienced crew and good guys to boot. Here's what happened...

Nietzschean Uberbag, Glenn Pike was running late. So Vince and Frank flipped a coin to see who would bat lead off. Vince won. He faced off against Mel Collazo, Met Super Fan and overall nice guy. Mel started the season out with... trip 19, trip 19, trip... 7. (T-35). And for that brief, fleeting moment, the thought of "What the hell did we get ourselves into?" flashed in our mind. But Vince responded with 85 of his own, banishing the thought. Game on! Good darts by both players saw Mel take the first. Vince respond strongly in game two with a crisp 8 rounder (FIRST BLOOD!). And a nail-biting rubber match went to the bad guys. 1-2

Frank squared off against big Joel. The Captain was sharp, on the triples all game and doubling out first dart. He took the first two quickly. In game 3, Frank narrowly missed taking out 97, before getting stuck on double 18s. That was all the chance Joel needed to come back steal the W. (Dang). 3-3.

Cuppa Joe went up against Scott in round 3. Cup made a point of touching the Rallybone before the match, but whatever the cause, he had his mojo working. On round 4 of game number one, Cup smacked trip 19, trip 19, trip 19... TON-71! Congrats to Cuppa Joe for a sick round and the first Dartbag patch of the season! He would continue to roll. His single bull on a cork shot almost took out 122, he racked up 4 additional all star rounds and completed a sweep. Nice darts. Guy. 6-3.

Batting clean up was Glenn who faced off against Basheer. Pike didn't bring his filthiest darts, but they could still be characterized as unclean. He took 3 more and the 'Bags were rolling. It was beginning to feel like old times at GK. 9-3, good guys.

Cup lost the coin toss and was going to sit cricket, but Frank liked the way Cup had been hitting bullseyes and called an audible at the line of scrimmage, benching himself instead. The move would pay off. Vince and Cup were sharp and took 3 more games! 12-3, 'Bags

Glenn and BFT took up the cause in the second pairing. They notched 2 more W's moving the streak to 11 straight points before dropping the final leg. 14-4.

By this point, we were feeling pretty good about our chances to earn a plaque this season. Not a dart plaque, necessarily, but a plaque for our other favorite activity -- drinking.

The Dartbags had earlier signed up for the "George Keeley Century Club", a new promotion. The membership requirement: Drink 100 different George Keeley beers. Once you become a member... you get your name on a plaque on the wall of fame. It was only fitting that Marty just happened to be wearing a gray t-shirt adorned only with the word "BEER" across the chest that night. Upon signing his pledge to attain drinking immortality he is reputed to have closed his eyes, nodded resolutely and said to himself... "This is my Everest".

There was a score sheet on which you marked down the brews you consumed and their countries of origin (which would play into the events of the evening later). And we are pleased to say there has already been considerable progress on that front -- perhaps too much progress as the final rounds would indicate. It also led to exchanges such as...

Vince (pointing to table after throwing a round): Did you mark it down?

Frank: All stars?

Vince: My Yuengling.
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Tim: Hey, where is Carlsberg from?

Frank: Denmark.

Tim: Damnit! I thought it was German. That's like wasting a beer slot.

Frank: Yeah, but at least you supported Denmark.

Tim: Screw Denmark.

The 'Bags have now covered the USA, and have made considerable headway into Germany. The "Carlsberg Incident" slowed Tim up some, but he will no doubt catch up soon enough.

But back to the second most important activity of the evening.

For round 3 the 'Bags sent Frank and Marty to the line. They dropped a close one to start, but Marty got the good guys in right away in game 2 and the 'Bags raced out to a lead. With Mel on 40, Frank sunk a double 20 with his third dart to even the match. In round 3, The Tavern jumped out to a big lead and a valiant charge came up short. 15-6.

It was at that point, when Frank caught on fire. I don't mean darts. I mean in reaching for the Drinking Club score sheet his J Crew roll neck sweater made contact with a candle and (unbeknownst to him for several seconds) and he LITERALLY caught on fire. Luckily he was patted down by alert teammates who knew better than to waste a beer dowsing the flames. (Though Tim may well have volunteered his Non-German Carlsberg if he still had it handy.) The only casualty was minor singeing that left his garment perfectly wearable, but smelling bizarrely like delicious chipotle peppers. (It what can only be considered the height of irony, Lillian had requested "Light It On Fire", by Cowboy Mouth (the greatest band in the world) on the jukebox just 5 minutes earlier.)

It also led to the most spontaneous bounty of comic fodder since the 1992 Academy Awards when Jack Palance stunned Billy Crystal by doing one armed push ups on stage. E.g.,

Lillian: Oh my God, you were on Fire!

Frank: Why... thank you.
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Tim: En Fuego, baby!
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Vince: I thought I smelled something burning... but, I figured it was Cup forming a thought.

Vince and Cup closed the final pairing by winning 1, and losing 2. A bit of a lacklustre finish in the final stages helped along by our old nemesis, Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA (9.0% abv, and as Lou had mentioned in an earlier write up... brewed by the devil himself.)

So be it. It was a good night with good darts thrown by all. Everyone notched victories and we left with a 16-8 win in our first Monday A league night. Next week we are playing at The Gaf with "Where's Cork?". Always a real challenge against that crew. Always a good time.

Line of the Night: Marty.

CENSORED: The Line -- passed to me on a bar napkin -- was as funny as it was unprintable.

Please see Farty for details.

All Stars and Props:

Frank: 732 (He was en fuego!)
Cup: 598 (Cuppa-bulls and a patch -- yaaaar!)
Pike: 547 (Manly darts and 5/6)
Vince: 233 (First blood and a cricket sweep)
Tim: ("Timiny Cricket" -the wins keep piling up)
Marety: (The Landlord of The "Dublin Inn")