Week 11, Fall Season, 2007

By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

QUESTION:

What do these 3 things have in common?

1) a steak knife

2) Dr. McDreamy

3) The Healy Brothers

ANSWER: Read on...

Here's the news: we lost, 13-11, to 'The Brotherhood', from Molly Pitchers.

The 'news' being that this loss ended our regular-season-match winning streak. 'The Streak' was impressive, standing at 21 matches, but the way we've been playing....it needed crutches. The last few weeks were pretty shaky. Especially me, to be fair. I've been playing like a cuppa de-caf, or a 'chai-latte', for cryin' out...

Anyway, we've yet to be hitting on all cylinders. When we played the 'Hood the first time, we won 16-8. Glenn and I, Cuppa, were hot as pistols, Vince's hornets were stinging, yet tempermental, and FURIOUS was distracted. The Brotherhood was also short-handed, which helped.

But the last few weeks, we've slowly regressed to this. Hopefully we all wake up at the same time. Things could get utterly devastating though, before they get better. Next week, we take on division leader and powerhouse, Bullistics...

...without our stalwart leader, Cpt. FURIOUS.

This will arguably be our biggest/toughest match to date. Disregarding 'The Deathstar', of course. We had a snow-ball's chance in hell back then. We tied Bullistics 12-12, the first time, after being up 9-3. As a 'team', with a deep bench, they can play with anyone in the entire league.

The turnout this week was a little light. We had 5 'Bags, including a late arrival by BFT Sheahan, who can't get enough of GK's exotic beer selection. Nell ducked in after work, and Lillian made her patented early arrival, noshing on nachos before the vultures flew in. Smart move, Lil...

We had a great time, as usual. Hard not to. 'The Brotherhood' is one of our favorite opponents. Great beers flying around. 'The Jeek' doin' it right. I want to give props to Justin the bartender. Been a great addition to the GK squad, and he puts up with me telling him to raise the volume when my songs come on, and lower the volume when these upper-westside frat boys play Jay-Z, 'cause...you know...that sounds great at an Irish pub.

A Steak-knife

We knew something was off, the way the night started out.

IYH, Glenn Pike, the alpha-dog of the Dartbags pack, was coming off a huge, Dartbags-record-setting 1209 asp performance. While throwing some practice darts, one of his nylon shafts broke-off, inside the dart barrel.

I'm not going to get into details, but anyone who uses nylon knows about this issue. And its a royal pain-in-the-arse.

I, Cuppa, showed up at 'The Jeek', to find FURIOUS, Glenn, Lillian, and Scott Fitzpatrick from the 'Hood, standing over the 'Table of Honor'. It looked like the ER.

Cuppa: "How many tools does it take to fix Glenn's shaft?"

Answer: One.

But not the corkscrew they were using...and not the specially designed tool, that Frank cabbed it home to get, 10 minutes before match time. I knew that everyone was wasting their time. From experience.

Friday night, I fixed Glenn's shaft...

Uuhhh...

Friday night, Glenn and I were practicing and the same thing happened. I used a steak-knife to get it out. Knowing this, I kept telling them to stop screwing around with Frank's tool.

After some deliberation, I just grabbed Glenn's shaft and ran out.
(the double entendre is inevitable here...i'm just gonna plow through and hope for the best)

I ran out to find a restaurant that had a steak-knife with (and this is the key) a thin and sharp tip. Enough so, that it cuts into the nylon, basically acting like a flat-head screwdriver. Apply constant pressure, twist it out. Done.

I ran across the street, to 'Flor De Sol', looking for the right knife. No dice. Butter knives only. (I'll give you a butter-knife...)

Next, I tried the Indian restaurant next door. I think they thought I was going to hold them up, so I high-tailed it out of there.

Finally, I went to Hi-Life, bar&grill on the corner.

Now...on the inside, I'm a sensitive softy. But I need to realize, that when a big, bearded, 220 lb guy, wearing a winter skull-cap, no jacket in 25 degree weather, out of breath, runs into a bar & grill, and says to the hostess and waiter...

"I need a steak knife!"

...they're probably picking up the direct line to the Dept. of Homeland Security.

The hostess said, "I'll be right back", and I kinda thought something was up.

So I spoke with the waiter, and after catching my breath, explained why I needed it. He let out a huge sigh of relief and started laughing nervously. He got me the steak-knife, explained to the hostess what was going on, I sat at the bar, and removed it in about a minute.

I ran back to The Jeek, victoriously holding glenn's broken shaft in my hand.

Now I know how the cops felt in the John Bobbitt case.

(see below, the patented 'steak-knife shaft-removal' process, by cuppa joe gasparino)



Anyway, here's the boxscore:

Singles 501

FURIOUS, 1 - Charlie Healy, 2
Vince, 1 - Tom Healy, 2
Cuppa Joe, 2 - Scott Fitzpatrick, 1
Glenn, 2 - Larry Lieberstein, 1

Hilites: Vince hit a T40, Charlie hit a T40, Glenn hit 409 asp, best for the round.

Dr. McDreamy

Glenn also got "McDreamied" right before his turn. Its a weekly event now. If you don't know what getting "McDreamied" means, its when some giddy fan of 'Grey's Anatomy' goes up to IYH and either asks him if he's Dempsey, or tells him he looks just like him. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, click here.

Cricket

Frankenglenn, 2 - Walter Trice & Larry Lieberstein, 1
Cuppavince, 0 - The Brothers Healy, 3

Hilites: Not much on our end, except for a C4 by El Capitan de Furioso. On the other side, Charlie hit an R7, Tom hit an R6. They were sharp. We were NOT.

Doubles 501

Frankenglenn, 3 - Larry & Scott, 0
Cuppavince, 0 - The Brothers Healy, 3

Hilites: Frank and Glenn cruised through their 3 games. Well done by both. Cuppavince had 3 close games against the Healys, but came up short.

The Healy Brothers

Give those guys credit for crisp doubling, and overall solid play. This was the first time they were paired up in doubles play, and it paid off, going 6-0. Vince and I were not nearly playing where we should be....but to be fair, the 'Brothers earned every bit of it. Kudos. See you at Lallypalooza. By the way, Charlie: I like apple-sauce with my potato-pancakes.

The real story here, however, was Frank. El Capitan. Cpt. FURIOUS.

I've seen a lot of darts. This was the best individual performance in doubles 501 I've ever seen, and it seemed to be the consensus. The numbers alone, from just this doubles round, say a lot: 537 asp, including a T-40 and a DS-100. He also went in and out, every chance he had.

I don't know if it was Flogging Molly, or the Great Big Sea, blasting on the GK sound-system (thanks Justin), but The Cpt. threw ridicudarts. Plain and simple. Definitely the hilite of the night. Maybe of the season so far.

Charlie called it "The Pocket". I call it a "Funnel". Everyone knows what it is, but we may visualize it differently. You know when you're in the zone. Its tunnel-vision, and Frank had it. We'll miss you next week, but maybe that brings out our best. We'll see.

I guess thats it.

Kudos again to The Brotherhood, including Larry Lieberstein (take care of that tendinitis), Scott Fitzpatrick, and Walter Trice, who we haven't seen before.

As I mentioned earlier, this saturday is Lallypalooza. Doors open at 5:15 pm. Speaking of which, the gracious host, and legend, Tom Lally, 'The White Hawk', has been immortalized (click here). Welcome to the club, #2.

Monday, we're at The Pinch Bar, 237 Sullivan St, to take on Bullistics.

I am outtie like Curt Gowdy.

ASP Recap:

FURIOUS - 953 (a lot...and ridicu-clutch)
Glenn - 626 (mazda darts)
CUPPA - 313 (holy Glenn/2!!!)
Vince - 140 (3rd dartitis away from a lot more)