Sunday, March 30, 2008

Congratulations!

Our own Edna Kilduff is already the in the lead for Ladies All Star Point Champion.  (See first paragraph here) 

You go, girl!!!

Not to mention, the Bags roared out of the gate and are now sitting in first place.

We'll be without The Werewolf tomorrow.  (He has more important things to do after getting hitched in a gorgeous wedding in Brenham, TX on Saturday.)  But he will missed, nonetheless.

In addition, The Microwave is likely out of action and Gins is at the Rangers gme. But we will be making a mystery call up for the match so that we do not have to play shorthanded.

That is all.

-Captain Furious

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Monday, March 24, 2008

Let The Games Begin

Changes Abound as
Dartbags Get Set
For Spring Season
by Cuppa Joe Gasparino

My name is Cuppa Joe Gasparino, and I’m a Dartbag.

It’s been way too long since my last post, and both FURIOUS and I, Cuppa, apologize. Both of us have been busier than ever since starting this whole thing, and we’ve been adjusting. We will be on top of it this season.

Since last season, a lot has changed:

1) Vince, The Hornet’s Nest, has lost 15 lbs.

2) Our beloved BFT, Tim Sheahan, has retired. The Big Friendly One has called it quits. The walls at the jeek aren’t complaining. There was no Favre-esque, emotional exit press conference. The big guy has been wanting to get out for a while now, but we kept pulling him back in. I think he’ll be much happier just stopping by for a few, no strings attached. He’s still a Dartbag, and always will be. The big buy also went out on top. His best round, arguably of his career, came against Dax in the playoffs. In a pressure spot, playing in singles 501, he begrudgingly stepping in for FURIOUS, who was on the west coast.

Barry Sanders. Sandy Koufax. You can add BFT to that list.

3) With BFT sailing off into the sunset, we faced a huge decision. Up to this point, we always had a surplus of our old friends wanting to join the team. But by now, we’ve had 5 guys retire, and as other guys get busier, married, move out of the city, etc, the pool has dwindled down. At one point, it didn’t look like we could keep it in the family anymore. That’s been the whole point of our team, though. That’s what separates us from an amalgamated all-star team. It clearly makes it tougher to win that way, especially as we’ve moved up the ranks….but we like it that way.

(more on ‘moving up the ranks’ later…)

And we didn’t simply need to fill a roster spot. Ideally, we needed a solid number 4 or 5 guy, who could step in and not really miss a beat…and also a guy who will just show up a lot more, in general. As I said before, we’re all a lot busier these days, and our top 4 are bound to miss more matches than we have in the past.

We were pretty much at a loss, and considered bringing in an outsider. After much debate, we concluded that the moment we bring in an outsider, the Dartbags would be over. Dead. Morte. We would have to re-assemble as a spin-off. The Dartbags are ‘Maude’. Maybe we’d continue on as ‘Good Times’.

In the end, we just weren’t ready for JJ and Florida, no matter how ‘good’ they can throw. The Dartbags would live to fight another season.

I decided to send out text messages and emails to all of our active players. Everyone was asked to think of potential replacements, as far fetched as they may seem, just to get the ball rolling. Without excluding anyone, we needed to find someone from our ‘family’. After all the brainstorming, this is what our replacement list looked like:

Cuppa Joe’s Sister – Michelle
A pub-game legend, especially that rapid-fire basketball game. Her freakish, seemingly autistic abilities caused the owners of Ryan’s Daughter to consider selling tickets as a side-show. Her skills translate naturally to darts and pool. Known for a tough attitude, and killer instinct. Can be very intimidating…..trust me. Younger blood. Works at Columbia U, which bodes well for playing at The Jeek.

AC, Andy Curry
Mysterious, Bono-esque character, and brother to the guys, dating all the way back to childhood for some. Amazing athlete and improv jazz-dancer. Prolific bongo player and philosopher. Lives on the upper-west side…but is so extremely mysterious, that no one could get in touch with him. Actually, is he ok? I don’t think we’ve heard from him in months, someone get on that…

Koyaaniskalstein
Yes, you read correctly. Koyaaniskalstein. His identity has been altered to protect the innocent.....and the guilty. Rarely leaves the confines of his apartment. Horrible athlete, famous for spastically chucking a basketball into the bottom of the rim, while on a wide-open lay-up opportunity, during a pick-up basketball game at Dewey Beach. Uses the “perfect-pushup”. Known for watching Godfrey Reggio's Koyaanisqatsi for a marathon 57 hours straight.

Big Yellow Dave
6’5, 315lbs. Runs the 40 in 5 flat. Got his nickname in 1996 when he nearly drank himself to death, contracting pancreatitis. Bed-ridden in his Hoboken apartment for 3 weeks, with a severe case of jaundice, Cuppa Joe and Dave’s roommate Chad decided to coin his famous nickname. A Yale graduate. Was busted impersonating a secret service agent while Bill Clinton was giving his commencement speech.

So that was it. That was our list. I mean….there were a few other completely far-fetched prospects that came up, who had to be dismissed….which is saying a lot, when Kalstein was number 3 on our ‘short’ list.

There was, however, one guy that I think we all dismissed, because he’s one of the busiest, and active guys on the planet, running a mega-successful business, playing hockey 2-3 times a week. He’s an absolute perfect fit on just about every level, though. And he could literally step right in and play pretty much up to speed. So I decided to give it a shot, what the heck. I called him.

He said yes.

Meet the newest Dartbag:

Edna
One of the true legends of our ‘family’. Went to college with retired ‘bags Pya Lou, RJ The Surgeon Morrow, Farty Yoo, and I, Cuppa. Was one of the first guys I met at Carnegie Mellon, during my first hockey practice as a freshman. An ice-hockey legend…he jumped out of the womb to start a bench-clearing brawl. Former pole-vaulter. He still plays hockey in NYC with the likes of retired NHL greats Glenn Anderson and John Tonelli. Former New Jersey Devils great Bruce Driver was so frustrated by Edna, he tried to fight him at an afternoon charity hockey game. Professional photographer, his famous “Swirl” is recognized around the world as avant-garde photographic milestone. A prolific pool player, he has been seen running the table at the famous Brooklyn Inn, while taking breaks designing the better spatula.

His most famous darts moment came during a late night match back in ’96, at the infamous 18M. He started a couch-clearing brawl after Pya Lou stuck 3 darts in Edna’s hand, while he was retrieving his darts from the bullseye.

Best known for his “self-mutilating ball-kick”.

And like a true Dartbag, one of the drinkin’est and friendliest guys around. He makes his Dartbags debut tonight.

And finally……off-season change number 4:

4) We’ve been moved up a division to A2.

This was a surprise to everyone, including FURIOUS, who was furious about not being consulted, or notified. We just found out Thursday night. No one knew about it, but apparently Roger made the executive decision. Since we came in second place last season, I guess we were the logical choice.

We have mixed feelings about it. We wanted to win A3 first, collect some hardware, and move on. But that won’t be the case. We did actually get one piece of hardware….a runner-up plaque that will hang at the George Keeley wall of fame. Not exactly what we were looking for, but its out of our hands. You play the hand you’re dealt, and we’ll deal with A2 as best we can.

Before we move on with the new season, I want to bring some closure to last season:

After an up and down season that left us in 2nd place, we made the playoffs, and drew our good friends, A1’s ‘Poison Dart Frogs’, in round one. We lost 13-5 at the Gaf East, battling without our big-toe, FURIOUS who was out on the left coast, lining up another gig shrinkin' on money.

We missed FURIOUS for his clutch darts, but we also missed his fire, and Patton-esque leadership. We let some games slip away in round 1, but overall, we were simply out-gunned. You have to tip your cap to the ‘Frogs. They made it all the way to the final 4, after beating our A3 rival, Bullistics, in a dramatic game of 1001.

Some hilights from our playoff loss:

Glenn took 2/3 from killer Kevin King, opening the match in singles. He racked up 656 asp’s, including a T-71. ‘The Werewolf’ ended up with 1036 asp’s after cricket, where our match ended.

And his hair was pefect………..(dip!!!)

After being down 10-2 after singles, CuppaGlenn played an inspired opening round of cricket, taking 2/3 from Dax and Ralph Pravata, the ‘Frogs cricket secret weapon. The ‘bag boys nailed two R6’s and an R7 along the way. Way to go down swingin’…

As stated earlier, BFT played arguably his best round of his career, almost keeping pace with Dax, who’s nearly as good as it gets these days. Kudos for not pulling a Vinny Testaverde, guy.

Speaking of which….will that guy stop it already? If I have to look at his teased, bush of a mullet sticking out his head-condom on the sidelines anymore, I’m gonna take a FLAMETHROWER TO THIS PLACE! I don’t care if you can bench-press 400 lbs and you’re in great shape, ginny (I can say that, I’m Italian). You STINK!!!

Anyway….

We lost 13-5 to some of our best friends in the NYDO, in Harlan Blaikie, Dax Munna, Ralph Pravata, and Kevin King. We were rooting for you guys the rest of the way. They had a damned good run. Better luck this season, guys.

Tonight, the new season begins. Spring, 2008. We’re at home, at The Jeek, against Men Overboard. 19:30 sharp. We will be without our stalwart captain, El Capitan, FURIOUS Frank Murtha, but we will be ushering in some new blood with Edna. We’ll do our best without you Cpt. I will be the acting Cuptain tonight, and will hopefully fill out the scoresheets properly this time.

Tonight will also be Glenn’s last match as a ‘single’ guy. He and Nell are getting married this Saturday, down in Texas. Many, if not all the Dartbags will be down there to celebrate. From all of us at the Dartbags blog, congratulations, and best of luck, y’all!

Hope to see most of our posse tonight. Our entourage. Maybe The White Hawk will swoop in for support. We can only hope…

Lets get it on….lets get ready to rumble…let the games begin….I’m outtie like Curt Gowdy.

CUPPA

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

It's That Time Of Year Again...

... when the salmon swim upstream to Capistrano, and the Dartbags return to George Keeley for the Spring edition of the NYDO.

The 'Bags (Most Drinkin'est and Friendliest Dart Team in NYC - TM) will be looking to climb one more rung up the ladder and (finally) win A-3.  

They will have their work cut out for them.

Moving to inactive status will be original 'Bag, Big Friendly Tim Sheahan.  Hopefully, he'll still find a way to make it up to George Keeley on Monday's to hoist a few if not throw a few.

Taking his place on the roster will be Ed "Edna" Kilduff - a long-time friend.

Edna spends much of his time designing innovative products  (if you ever used a lagomorph to open a Syrah - you know what I'm talking about), playing high-level hockey, or, on select occasions leaping atop cement posts in Galway, like a drunk Irish marmoset.

We're happy he's added throwing darts to these other pasttimes.

It will be up to Cup to do a write up for the first week.  I will be out of town.  (I'm bummed).

In the meantime, here's a blast from past, our final Tuesday game before the switch to Mondays.

See you at GK.

That is all.

-Captain Furious