Weeks 12 & 13, Fall Season 2007

MERRY CHRISTMAS
& HOPEFULLY
A BETTER NEW YEAR!

By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

Excuses.

I'm not one for excuses. And neither is Cpt FURIOUS. But we've just been too damned busy lately to get these writeups up in time. Especially these last 2 weeks, with the holiday season craziness....and working through it as well. Good for Cuppa and the Cpt (being busy that is), but bad for the 'Bags, our fans and followers.

We apologize. Not only for this writeup (which falls solely on my shoulders), but for this fall season in general.

But most importantly, there is no excuse for the black hole we've fallen into, as a team. I will note though: we had a great time the past few weeks in spite of it all. I think our 'drunken-holi-daze' came early this year.

As for our play...or lack thereof...its been a slow burn over the second-half of the season. The abyss we find ourselves in comes after what I consider to be the worst loss in Dartbags history.

Week 12 we lost to division leader 'Bullistics', 15-9. We played without our Captain, FURIOUS, so we knew it would be tough. We considered 15-9 damage control.

Those guys shot great, notably Paul 'The Quiz' Quisenberry, and Dean 'The Machine' McCarthy. That guy is a cyborg, by the way. Great shot. We did all manage to have a great time as well. Sorry if I'm leaving some guys out, but Joe Taras shot well...again...and is about as good a guy as there is in this league.

This writeup (here we go with excuses, but I don't care, I'm only human) will suffer from holiday season-itis. Too bad. Sorry. Better luck for the writing staff next year. So tidbits, statistics are gone.

I actually found the sheets from one of these 2 weeks, but I'm not going to post it. I don't want to slight the other team. So lets just call it even, shall we?

One note: Cliff, the Bullistics captain, was upset about something Frank wrote last season. I went back and checked. I think it takes some interpretation and imagination to take what Frank wrote and consider them 'fighting words'. Not literally 'fighting', but...you get the point.

I just don't see it. If anyone is interested go see for youself in the archive. We like playing you guys. We like 99% of the guys in the league....our whole deal, mantra...whatever you want to call it is friendly, drinkin'est, etc. I'm busy. I can't explain anymore. Its all good. Yadda yadda.

There was no mal-intent.

On to last week's debacle:

Week 13 we lost to 'Hands of Doom', 16-8. Call this our 'nightmare before christmas' match.

We stunk. We were as lackluster and confused....as apathetic as I've ever seen us. But, again...it was good-times in spite of it. It was almost like...dare I say...we didn't care. I mean...we do care, but...we were just sort of shrugging our shoulders like..."oh well", or the familiar "wow", as the next HOD player took more games from us.

Total apathy. However, that disappeared in rounds 2 and 3. Case in point: I nearly broke my left hand punching the wall during cricket. So, yeah....you could say that we cared.

But in general, maybe we thought things would come easier for us this season. I think everything happens for a reason. Hopefully this wakes us up. We've been sleeping our way through singles the entire second-half of this season.

They were very good. Ross Cohen was en fuego most notably, in singles, sweeping Glennjamin, IYH, The Alpha Dog, which is a first, I think. As a team, we were down 11-1 after singles.

Thats not a typo. 11-1. We were down. They had 11 points....we had 1 point.

Out of a total of 12 games played in the singles 501 round....those guys won 11 singles 501 games, and we only won 1 of them.

Kudos to them. We stunk to high-holy-heaven. Combine it...blend it...chop it...slice it...dice it...roll it...chew it...screw it...

...you get 11-1 in singles. And a 16-8 final.

Silver lining: we went 7-5 after singles. Including the best cricket Frank and I, Cuppa, played all season long.

I guess the bottom line is....we're a bit lost. I hope this crazy holiday season has erased our minds of all this heinousness. I know it has for me. I haven't thrown a dart since. I think thats a good thing, Martha.

But like I said....the last month has been a blast. Christmas came early. Still recovering. Santa was good to this 'Bag. I hope he was good to the rest of us, and to all of you, who read this thing...and who will hopefully continue to stay tuned. The writeups will get back on track post holi-daze.

I really gotta run.

Our last match of the season is monday. Not this monday. That would be the eve of the new year. Darts will be put away until '08.

So, our next match is on monday, January 7th. Long lay-off...but if we don't wake up before then, we're in danger of falling into 3rd place, as we're only 5 points ahead of 'The Alleymen'.

I don't know what happens in that case. But we should make the playoffs. I think.

Thats all I got right now. I should be designing stuff.

Peace. Happy holidays...merry christmas. Adios.

One more thing: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Week 11, Fall Season, 2007

By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

QUESTION:

What do these 3 things have in common?

1) a steak knife

2) Dr. McDreamy

3) The Healy Brothers

ANSWER: Read on...

Here's the news: we lost, 13-11, to 'The Brotherhood', from Molly Pitchers.

The 'news' being that this loss ended our regular-season-match winning streak. 'The Streak' was impressive, standing at 21 matches, but the way we've been playing....it needed crutches. The last few weeks were pretty shaky. Especially me, to be fair. I've been playing like a cuppa de-caf, or a 'chai-latte', for cryin' out...

Anyway, we've yet to be hitting on all cylinders. When we played the 'Hood the first time, we won 16-8. Glenn and I, Cuppa, were hot as pistols, Vince's hornets were stinging, yet tempermental, and FURIOUS was distracted. The Brotherhood was also short-handed, which helped.

But the last few weeks, we've slowly regressed to this. Hopefully we all wake up at the same time. Things could get utterly devastating though, before they get better. Next week, we take on division leader and powerhouse, Bullistics...

...without our stalwart leader, Cpt. FURIOUS.

This will arguably be our biggest/toughest match to date. Disregarding 'The Deathstar', of course. We had a snow-ball's chance in hell back then. We tied Bullistics 12-12, the first time, after being up 9-3. As a 'team', with a deep bench, they can play with anyone in the entire league.

The turnout this week was a little light. We had 5 'Bags, including a late arrival by BFT Sheahan, who can't get enough of GK's exotic beer selection. Nell ducked in after work, and Lillian made her patented early arrival, noshing on nachos before the vultures flew in. Smart move, Lil...

We had a great time, as usual. Hard not to. 'The Brotherhood' is one of our favorite opponents. Great beers flying around. 'The Jeek' doin' it right. I want to give props to Justin the bartender. Been a great addition to the GK squad, and he puts up with me telling him to raise the volume when my songs come on, and lower the volume when these upper-westside frat boys play Jay-Z, 'cause...you know...that sounds great at an Irish pub.

A Steak-knife

We knew something was off, the way the night started out.

IYH, Glenn Pike, the alpha-dog of the Dartbags pack, was coming off a huge, Dartbags-record-setting 1209 asp performance. While throwing some practice darts, one of his nylon shafts broke-off, inside the dart barrel.

I'm not going to get into details, but anyone who uses nylon knows about this issue. And its a royal pain-in-the-arse.

I, Cuppa, showed up at 'The Jeek', to find FURIOUS, Glenn, Lillian, and Scott Fitzpatrick from the 'Hood, standing over the 'Table of Honor'. It looked like the ER.

Cuppa: "How many tools does it take to fix Glenn's shaft?"

Answer: One.

But not the corkscrew they were using...and not the specially designed tool, that Frank cabbed it home to get, 10 minutes before match time. I knew that everyone was wasting their time. From experience.

Friday night, I fixed Glenn's shaft...

Uuhhh...

Friday night, Glenn and I were practicing and the same thing happened. I used a steak-knife to get it out. Knowing this, I kept telling them to stop screwing around with Frank's tool.

After some deliberation, I just grabbed Glenn's shaft and ran out.
(the double entendre is inevitable here...i'm just gonna plow through and hope for the best)

I ran out to find a restaurant that had a steak-knife with (and this is the key) a thin and sharp tip. Enough so, that it cuts into the nylon, basically acting like a flat-head screwdriver. Apply constant pressure, twist it out. Done.

I ran across the street, to 'Flor De Sol', looking for the right knife. No dice. Butter knives only. (I'll give you a butter-knife...)

Next, I tried the Indian restaurant next door. I think they thought I was going to hold them up, so I high-tailed it out of there.

Finally, I went to Hi-Life, bar&grill on the corner.

Now...on the inside, I'm a sensitive softy. But I need to realize, that when a big, bearded, 220 lb guy, wearing a winter skull-cap, no jacket in 25 degree weather, out of breath, runs into a bar & grill, and says to the hostess and waiter...

"I need a steak knife!"

...they're probably picking up the direct line to the Dept. of Homeland Security.

The hostess said, "I'll be right back", and I kinda thought something was up.

So I spoke with the waiter, and after catching my breath, explained why I needed it. He let out a huge sigh of relief and started laughing nervously. He got me the steak-knife, explained to the hostess what was going on, I sat at the bar, and removed it in about a minute.

I ran back to The Jeek, victoriously holding glenn's broken shaft in my hand.

Now I know how the cops felt in the John Bobbitt case.

(see below, the patented 'steak-knife shaft-removal' process, by cuppa joe gasparino)



Anyway, here's the boxscore:

Singles 501

FURIOUS, 1 - Charlie Healy, 2
Vince, 1 - Tom Healy, 2
Cuppa Joe, 2 - Scott Fitzpatrick, 1
Glenn, 2 - Larry Lieberstein, 1

Hilites: Vince hit a T40, Charlie hit a T40, Glenn hit 409 asp, best for the round.

Dr. McDreamy

Glenn also got "McDreamied" right before his turn. Its a weekly event now. If you don't know what getting "McDreamied" means, its when some giddy fan of 'Grey's Anatomy' goes up to IYH and either asks him if he's Dempsey, or tells him he looks just like him. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, click here.

Cricket

Frankenglenn, 2 - Walter Trice & Larry Lieberstein, 1
Cuppavince, 0 - The Brothers Healy, 3

Hilites: Not much on our end, except for a C4 by El Capitan de Furioso. On the other side, Charlie hit an R7, Tom hit an R6. They were sharp. We were NOT.

Doubles 501

Frankenglenn, 3 - Larry & Scott, 0
Cuppavince, 0 - The Brothers Healy, 3

Hilites: Frank and Glenn cruised through their 3 games. Well done by both. Cuppavince had 3 close games against the Healys, but came up short.

The Healy Brothers

Give those guys credit for crisp doubling, and overall solid play. This was the first time they were paired up in doubles play, and it paid off, going 6-0. Vince and I were not nearly playing where we should be....but to be fair, the 'Brothers earned every bit of it. Kudos. See you at Lallypalooza. By the way, Charlie: I like apple-sauce with my potato-pancakes.

The real story here, however, was Frank. El Capitan. Cpt. FURIOUS.

I've seen a lot of darts. This was the best individual performance in doubles 501 I've ever seen, and it seemed to be the consensus. The numbers alone, from just this doubles round, say a lot: 537 asp, including a T-40 and a DS-100. He also went in and out, every chance he had.

I don't know if it was Flogging Molly, or the Great Big Sea, blasting on the GK sound-system (thanks Justin), but The Cpt. threw ridicudarts. Plain and simple. Definitely the hilite of the night. Maybe of the season so far.

Charlie called it "The Pocket". I call it a "Funnel". Everyone knows what it is, but we may visualize it differently. You know when you're in the zone. Its tunnel-vision, and Frank had it. We'll miss you next week, but maybe that brings out our best. We'll see.

I guess thats it.

Kudos again to The Brotherhood, including Larry Lieberstein (take care of that tendinitis), Scott Fitzpatrick, and Walter Trice, who we haven't seen before.

As I mentioned earlier, this saturday is Lallypalooza. Doors open at 5:15 pm. Speaking of which, the gracious host, and legend, Tom Lally, 'The White Hawk', has been immortalized (click here). Welcome to the club, #2.

Monday, we're at The Pinch Bar, 237 Sullivan St, to take on Bullistics.

I am outtie like Curt Gowdy.

ASP Recap:

FURIOUS - 953 (a lot...and ridicu-clutch)
Glenn - 626 (mazda darts)
CUPPA - 313 (holy Glenn/2!!!)
Vince - 140 (3rd dartitis away from a lot more)

WEEK 10: 1209

I fell behind and didn't get to it this week.

My apologies.

We won 14-10 against Flight Risk.

We were hoping to do better, but they shot very well. Gotta tip the cap to them.

There are only a couple of things worth recapping. One was the number 1209.

That's the number of ASPs that Pike hit. It shattered the old Dartbag record held by Cuppa Joe and was good for 2nd best total in the league.

The other is that Glenn posted a High On (S-102) AND A High Out (F-97, done in 3, T-18, D-20 fashion).

Great stuff.

Slowly, but surely... the man known as In-Yer-Hole Pike is returning to form.

With Glenn there to take out the heavy artillery, and the rest of the squad playing like they can, we might just be able to shock someone come January.

Anyway, Cup will do the next write up.

And faster too.

That is all.