Week 4, Spring 2008

Hayadoin'...
Armed & Hammered, Indeed
By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

The Dartbags were on the receiving end of a good old-fashioned beat-down on Monday, the kind we used to dole out, way back in the B & C league days. Remember those?

This was a stroll down bizarro memory lane. We got clobbered 16-8 by team 'Armed & Hammered', who was well armed, and hammered us with a whole lotta hayadoin'. We're only a couple of points from the basement, holding at 40, like a loose-tooth in a mid-life crisis.

I barely remember who was there, so if I leave you out, take a chill-pill. I'm still pickin' out hayadoin's from my hayadoin'. Nell and Hope showed up, along with Gemma and Eric. We had FURIOUS, The Werewolf, The Hornet's Nest, I, Cuppa, and Ginsberg, to round out the squad. Movin' on...

Aside from our singles round, which was very sub-par....except for Mr. Glenn, who had a boat-load of hayadoin'....we threw pretty tough darts, and were close to stealing 3-4 more points throughout the match. It was the first time we had our top rotation in place, and if we threw as well as we did monday, we'd be in the middle of the pack, not dwellin' in the cellar.

The Werewolf, with his 'werehouse' full of hayadoin', swept Chris Bain, who's arguably one of the best shots in A2, and can absolutley throw with the best of 'em, in any division. This was the hilite of the night for the 'Bags. Both guys broke out the A1, but Glenn's IYH was pistol-pete.

Speaking of pistols...

I scored Vince (vs) Bill Lawler in singles. I didn't stop writing the entire time. No joke. This round was played at Mach-7. I've never seen a faster round. Ridiculous. My year's of playing Strato-Matic came in handy, as I was crunching numbers like Bloomberg.

Vince was throwing his darts so hard and fast, I thought they were gonna end up in the ladies room.

Kudos to the Armed & Hammered crew. They were good guys and great shots. Thanks to Bill for his round of Jamesons, we'll get you back at your place. Hopefully bring along a keg of hayadoin' as well. Props to IYH for his 7T1, and A&H's Terry Traynor for his 7T4.

And in the "rub salt in an open wound" category, in the final set of doubles 501, Gins mistakenly wrote down that we won game 1, so when Vince and I won game 3 of doubles, we thought the final score was 15-9, which didn't seem that horrible. The difference between 15-9 and 16-8 is like getting kicked in the balls. Where's my nutty buddy...

Here's how it broke down:

Singles

Glenn (3), Chris Bain (0) - IYH hit 556 asp's, along with a 7T1. Chris had never been swept before. No shame in losing to The Werewolf. He's as good as it gets when he's on. He started the night with 3 straight 95's, and his second game was gone in 17 darts.

FURIOUS (1), Joe Maxwell (2) - Joe slammed 475 points, and overall deadly-darts at The Captain, who didn't get hot til the end. Frank furiously racked up 395 points towards the end, and was able to steal one in 26 darts. Joe started his round with a 4T0.

Vince (0), Bill "The King" Lawler (3) - Vince had game 2 racking up 300 asp's, but let Bill back in, and he doesn't waste any time. Quickest round I've ever seen.

CUPPA (0), Terry Traynor (3) - Cuppa started the round with a 2T1, and never looked forward. One of his worst rounds ever. The usually tough singles player has lost his touch this season. Terry heated up in game 2, and never looked back. 487 points later, including a 7T4, and he had swept the confused cult-hero.

Cricket

Frankenpike (1), Terry & Joe (2) - They shot great. Glenn was ridiculoshe. Yes, ridiculoshe. FURIOUS was, in his own words: disappointing.

Vincencup (1), Bill & Chris (2) - The good guys took game 1 in solid fashion. All 3 games were tough, but they didn't miss a bullseye. Games were over in a blink. Chris had an R6, to boot.

Doubles 501

Frankenpike (1), Chris & Joe (2) - FURIOUS took out game 1 with a D-2 winner. Glenn played the part of Senor Cocon (where have you gone...) with an S-100 and an S-102. Chris chipped in an S-110 and an S-97 of his own. Ridiculi, ridiculai...

Vincencup (1), Bill & Terry (2) - Cuppa threw consecutive 2T1 and 2T5 to help win the final game of the night. Bill and Terry were insane racking up 749 asp's between them. Ha. Ya. Doin'.

Final: Dartbags 8, Armed & Hammerd 16

ASP's:

The Werewolf - 971
FURIOUS - 615
CUPPA - 462
The Hornet's Nest - 400

We have a bye this monday. We may watch Pya Lou's team play a re-scheduled match at Soldier McGee, starting at 4pm. The front leg of a day-night double-header.

In other news, the Poison Dart Frogs put up at 10-spot against the Yorkville Nine, which is an improvement from the first few weeks. The amiable amphibians are stuck in the cellar though, with 30 points, 7 behind Sweep The Leg Johnny. A 'Karate Kid' session may be the tonic you guys need to help you rise-up. I think the 'Bags and 'Frogs should have a joint practice session myself....could do us all some good. Maybe at the Cobra Kai dojo, sensei. Kevin King had a high-out 96. Thank you, oh wonderful NYDO website...

Outtie like Gowdy.

You Know You've Been Playing a Lot of Darts...

...When you develop a volar wrist ganglion.

We got smoked last night by Armed and Hammered, 16-8.

Pike was awesome, throwing ridicudarts.

But the rest of us couldn't pick up enough slack to turn in a good result.

Details to follow.

Inspirational Quote of the Week

"We're not your classic Superheros. We're not the favorites. We're the other guys. The guys nobody bets on. We've got a blind date with destiny! ...And it looks like she's ordered the lobster."

-The Shoveler,
Mystery Men

And that lobster is Armed & Hammered - the odds on favorite to win A-2 this year. Make no mistake, we're the underdogs this time, people. We don't need to be superheroes tonight, we just need to step it up a notch and play like we're capable of. Join us at George Keeley at 7:30 for all the action.

That is all.

Results - Week 3

This week's results: NYDO Standings

We, the Dartbags, are currently in sole possession of 6th place (out of 7). However, we're only 2 points out of 4th, and have yet to play a match at full strength. We will finally be at full-strength this week.

Monday night, we face-off against arguably the toughest team in the division, Armed & Hammered. I have no idea who they are, these are uncharted waters. But they look pretty strong on paper, with some big-time heavy hitters. This one's a tough one. No doubt. We'll give it a go, at The Jeek.

In other news...

Starving Dartists: Pya Lou's team continues to roll in C4, on the back of Chris 'The Freak' Mellen, who can make a legit run at the C-league all-star team this season. Also, our own Pya chippin' off some rust with 300 asp's. WOW. They play at Soldier McGee, a fantastic pub that sits across the street from The Jeek. Pya Lou on deciding to make Soldiers the new home of the 'Dartists: "The best decision I've ever made." Sweet.

Poison Dart Frogs: Our adopted A1 team is a bit slow out of the gate as well this season. Granted, when the opposing team's starting lineup drops a hayadoin' of at least 1000 asp's each...well...you're lucky to get out with a point...let alone, clean skivvies.

If they're firing on all cylinders though, they're as good as it gets. 'Killer' Kevin King. 'Never-Shakey' Harlan Blaikie. Dax 'Head-Condomunna' (I'm open to alternatives, submissions are welcome, or maybe its just plain Dax...like Madonna or Seal). Ralph Pravata. Brian Walsh. And a guy named Chris Walklet, who we've probably met, but I can't remember. Anyway, kick some ass this week guys, we'll be lookin' out. And if you're gonna go down, go out slammin' haymakers, Chuck Wepner.

And finally, treasury prices rose Friday as investors, anxiously awaiting next week's batch of bank earnings, took their money out of stocks and put it in less risky assets.

Though the Dow Jones industrial average fell more than 100 points after General Electric Co. posted a surprise decline in profit and lowered its forecast for the year, Treasury market trading was fairly light, with investors in wait-and-see mode.

"It's a dead, quiet Friday," said David Ader, bond strategist at RBS Greenwich Capital in Greenwich, Conn. He said trading could get more volatile, however, as the market is girding for massive asset write-downs from banks in the coming week.

This is Cuppa Joe.

Week 3 - Spring 2008

(EDITOR'S NOTE / CORRECTION: In week 1, we neglected to note that Cuppa Joe went out in a Dartbags record 16 darts, in game 2 of his singles set. In week 3, FURIOUS doubled out with a D-2 to win Frankinsberg's only doubles 501 game, being severely over-matched, as any -insberg team would naturally be. And Gins, in the "even a deaf, dumb & blind Gins will find an active keg once in a while" category, the amateur nubile tribesman nearly took out a 115 under the instruction of FURIOUS, going s19, t20, wired the d18. We stand corrected. Please read on.)

Week 3...but first, Week 1
By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

Of course, it had to happen after I, Cuppa, professed as much. My guarantee of timely postings this season wasn’t exactly Namath-esque...or maybe it was?! To be fair however, I had a busy back to back 2 weeks of the ‘Glennell’ wedding bonanza in Texas, followed seamlessly by a week long trip to the beautiful dutch countryside in Holland.


(photo by Cuppa)

So as not to slight our solid opening week, here’s a quick snapshot of what happened below, before we get to this week’s disaster, which was, again, another shorthanded effort by the ‘bags. We’ve not had a full squad, or I should say, our full starting rotation, in effect yet this season. Kudos to Koyaaniskalstein and Gins doing their best so far, and for showing some fire, as well.

We opened the season without FURIOUS, who was shrinking the heads of some of our country’s top financial gurus. Man-down…..has become a theme so far this season.

We beat Rufus Herrington's, 'Men Overboard', 15-9.

EDNA made his NYDO debut, batting 4th in singles. He lost all 3, but played gutty darts. He closed out a cricket game, paired up with The Werewolf, by sticking 2 bulls.

Cuppa opened up the season winning 8/9 during the night, including one of the most efficient sets of doubles 501 we’ve seen in a long time, paired up with The Hornet’s Nest. Cuppa went in on his first DART in all 3 games. Vince’s ppda this set was in the 18-20 range. Bring out the broom…

The Werewolf, Mr. Pike, had one foot at The Jeek, and one foot in Houston, where his future bride, and now wife (congrats) Nellie, was awaiting him, the next morning. Not your typical IYH understandably, but he did manage to smack about a dozen bulls to pull-out one of the biggest come-back wins I’ve ever seen in game 2 of cricket.

By the way...check out the 'nice out' by the Piker in our pre-wedding golf round:


(photo by Cuppa)

It ended up being a decisive 15-9, Monday night A2 debut. Hopefully we can manage to play at full-strength one of these weeks. Week 2 we were severely down, and this week, we played without the power of The Hornet’s Nest, who was in parts unknown. And it hurt.

Here’s week 3:

Week 3 (better yet...Weak 3)
'Bags Lose 15-9 to Gaf Side Story II
By Cuppa Joe Gasparino

Another wacky week.

We renewed acquaintances with old friend Julio Andrade and his Gaf Side Story II, with Sean McCain, Robert Grant (starting to sound like the RNC) and Abel Vazquez. Ok, back to normal.

Wacky, mainly because Cuppa showed up at 7:15, straight from Newark airport, and straight off an 8 hour flight from a week-long jaunt to the Netherlands....just so the 'bags wouldn't be 2 men down for the second straight week. And because he loves it that much.

As a result, the Dartbags would be just one starter down, as Vince, The Hornet's Nest, was...well...we're never sure where, but, he could literally be anywhere, at any moment. So it would be Cuppa Dutch, The Werewolf, FURIOUS, Gins, and Colin The Microwave O'Donnell, who made a brief appearance before leaving to search for a sandwich: garlic, with garlic on garlic bread, with a side of garlic.

Pya Lou's squad showed up for some pre-match brewskies and grub before their match across the street. Hope made it out, along with Nellie. Again, congrats on the wedding. It was a glorious time. And btw: Nice job by Julio, gifting Nellie with a dozen yellow roses. Class act. Who doesn't love Julio...

What started off as pretty festive, however, ended up being pretty lackluster. No one was on their game. Glenn heated up in time for doubles 501, FURIOUS never really found his stroke, and Cuppa who started off strong out of the gate ended up jet-lagged. Nice job by Gins taking out a D-2 to win a singles 501 game, including a 2T2 turn. Maybe a bit "squirrel-nut" or "blind chicken-corn", but we'll take it.

Here's how it broke down:

Singles 501

Glenn (1) -vs- Rob (2). The Werewolf opened the match with a 3T3. Didn't have his usual bite.

FURIOUS (2) -vs- Julio (1). Hey...2/3 against Julio. 'Nuff said.

Cuppa (1) -vs- Sean (2). 4T0, 4T0, T by Cup, and leads in all 3 only netted 1. Call it 'double' dutch, and efficient closing by Sean.

Gins (1) -vs- Abel (2). This one had to be played in the middle of cricket, as Mr. Vasquez was un-abel to make it to the darts...on...time. Again, kudos to Gins for stealing 1 against Abel, who was en fuego.

Cricket

Cuppaglenn (1/3) against Julio & Rob: Cuppaglenn couldn't hit a freakin' bullseye, and Julio hits more 15's and 16's than R. Kelly.

Frankinsberg (0/3) against McCain & Abel: Sean was on fire (R7). Tough for a team Frankinsberg to beat a team as 'abel' as those 2.

Doubles 501

Cuppaglenn (2/3) against McCain & Abel: Solid set by The Werewolf and Dutch, nearly took all 3. Rare 'double' dutch again by Cuppa, but Glenn was solid, including a 2T6, 97 & 95 along the way.

Frankinsberg (1/3) against Julio & Rob: Gins stole a D-2 victory in a lopsided matchup. Bravo for a team Frankinsberg taking 1/3. Julio smacked a Ton-80. Kudos, but we expect as much.

And thats it. Dartbags lose 15-9.

The 'bags should have a full squad this week against team 'Armed & Hammered'. The match is at home again, at The Jeek.

Cheers.

ASP Stats:

Pike - 675
Cuppa - 480
FURIOUS - 295
Gins - 122
Colin - 1 (garlic sandwich)

Appearing Bi-Weekly at George Keeley on Monday Nights

Pike McDreamy

Autograph Session Begins at 7:00

Ass-Whoopings Begin at 7:30

Be There. (83rd and Amsterdam)

Inspirational Quote of the Week

"Never give in - never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

-Sir Winston Churchill
Speech at Harrow School, 1941

He was talking about bigger things than darts, but he need not have been.

That is all.

-Captain Furious

Escape From McSwiggan's! Starring Koyaaniskalstein

CAPTAIN'S LOG: DART DATE: 3 - 31 - 08

Riding high off a 15-9 start to the season, the first place Dartbags' (Most Drinkin'est and Friendliest Dart Team in NYC TM) 2nd match was more like an escape than a full on battle for points.

Due a bizarre series of events (much like the ones that befell the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant's ringers in their battle against Shelbyville) only 2 of the "George Keeley 7" were armed and ready.

In fact, Colin "The Microwave" O'Donnell was temporarily replaced on the roster by another old friend, Koyaaniskalstein (eat your heart out, Seal, Bono & Madonna), just so that we wouldn't play with 2 guys to start the night.

The infamous Koyaaniskalstein is not an A League dart player. In fact, he's not a dart player. But the fact is, he doesn't suck. And he was willing to help out in a pinch. He would play a pivotal role in the night before it was over.

SINGLES: 3-9

Some call it being a sacrificial lamb. Rambo called it being "Expendable". Our shorthand is "diving on a grenade". It means helping the team by playing a far superior opponent in order to give another player a better chance of getting points. That's what Koyaaniskalstein did in going first against Dave Strome.

And it was a gustsy, if not pretty effort by Koyaaniskalstein. Dave wracked up 299 ASPs. Koyaaniskalstein hung in and even managed a sweet 108 round to score some all star points of his own. But in the end. The highly skilled veteran was too much. He swept, with Koyaaniskalstein getting as low as 74 in one game.

Gutty effort, pal. We owe you one. 0-3

Next, Frank took on Hal Von Brockdorff. Frank and Hal have played each other a number of times. It's always close. Hal, sporting a Beltran jersey for Mets opening day, roared out off the box like Jose Reyes after a liner in the gap -- Ton-40 and Ton on his first two rounds and an 85 after that. Frank made it close but dropped the first. In the 2nd game it was the Captain hung closer and pulled out a double 2 winner to steal it. The final game was a well played affair with Frank going out in 24 darts to take the rubber match.

Whew. 2-4.

In the third set, it was Vince against Patricia, who still is a nasty dart player. And we mean that in a good way. Vince dropped the first in a listless affair, but in true Hornet's Nest fashion, Vince came out firing with an angry Ton to start the second and cruised to a victory. The last set was one in which both had their chances, in the end it was Pat nailing it first. 3-6

With Gins at MSG watching the Rangers beat the Penguin, it was on to cricket.

CRICKET 1 -5

Vince and Frank decided the only logical thing to do was team up in cricket, putting Koyaaniskalstein in the unenviable spot not only of playing darts for the first time in league, not only debuting in A-2, but of playing cricket Canadian.

Frank and Vince dropped the first against Hal and Ed in a close game. In the second game, the 'Bags got out to a lead on the strength of some R-4s from Vince. But the 15s and 16s seemed to have a forcefield around them, and Frank committed 2 mental errors by trying to point on a closed number and failing to use a third dart to close a number. Not good. They dropped the 2nd game. Vince took out his frustration on the 18s by throwing 6 of them and adding a 15 to make an R-7. The 'Bags kicked into gear and rolled to a W in the final game.

It was Koyaaniskalstein's turn to play 1 on 2 against Dave and Pat in cricket. Everyone knew he wasn't going to win. And he didn't. But this match had another, greater importance for the 'Bags. We had agreed with Captain Ed that if Ginsberg made it to the bar before the end of cricket, that we would go back and play his singles matches. So we didn't need Koyaaniskalstein to win. We just needed him to play. Slowly.

Because the Rangers just went in to overtime.

Dave and Pat made short work of him, with Dave popping a pair of R-7s. But as Three Penny Opera hit their last 15 and their first cork, in through the door walked an out of breath but smiling Mike Ginsberg.

Gins: Chris Drury. (pause) Overtime. (pause) Mr. Clutch (pause)... I had to run the last 5 blocks.

And much like Aragorn, who led the Gondor Army to the gates of Baradur in order to give Frodo time to destory the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom... Koyaaniskalstein had done his heroic duty.

Gins played Ed and put up a good fight. In the final game, sitting on 32, he went around the horn going 16, 8, 4... just missing each time. But the veteran, Ed made his first. Another valiant effort. We were proud of him.

Gins: I would have liked to have gotten one of those points... At least the Rangers won.

DOUBLES '01

Trailing 14-4, the 'Bags were on the brink of disaster. With Frank and Vince managing to only take 4 of 9 so far, our chances of a respectable result were dwindling.

The 'Bags had played in conservatively so far and it was the right thing to do.

But the Dartbags have always subscribed to the of philosophy of Virgil; "Fortune favors the bold." Vince and Frank deliberated.

Vince: You and me again?

Frank: Let's split up. We need points.

Vince: It's risky. Losing 20-4 would crush us. Put us in last place.

Frank: Yeah, but we could get 6. C'mon, guy... we could be heroes.

Vince got it.

Vince: Just for one night? ... Okay, you talked me into it.

It was Koyaanisfrankenstein vs. Dave and Pat in the first set.

Koyaaniskalstein: I just want to taste victory once in my dart career.

Franken'Stein (Man, I've been waiting for YEARS to write that one!) would face off against David and Patricia. Let it be said that Koyaaniskalstein did more than "dive on a grenade" for the team and act as a human rain delay this night, he also showed an uncanny ability to double in 'O1.

Frank missed his first shot but Koyaaniskalstein nailed a D-6 on his second dart, and then, aiming for bull, nailed a cork. (Nice.) The 'Bags extended the lead and Frank took out an 18 (9, 1, D-4) to win a nailbiter.

Koyaaniskalstein AGAIN doubled in on D-6 to get the 'Bags on the board. Trailing most of the match, the Captain caught lightning in a bottle and popped a Ton-80 to leave the 'Bags on 28. Koyaaniskalstein wired the hell out of the D-14 and D-7, and Frank punched it in to steal the second leg.

The last leg ended with the 'Bags racing out to a big lead and red-hot Furious One taking out a 108 (20, -T-16, D-20) to score the final point and complete the sweep. Three huge points against some very tough players.

Wow.

That's more than a taste of victory for Koyaaniskalstein. That's a Super Sized Happy Meal. 6-14.

The old Scarsdale Track teammates, Vince and Gins took on Hal and Ed in the final set of the night. The 'Bags got on a little late in the first game and a good comeback attempt fell short. But Vince led the charge in game two with a Ton and Gins (who chipped in with a couple of 70+ rounds in the set) sunk a double 8 to nail down the second game. Hal and Ed rebounded to take the rubber match.

Vince and I agreed that the goal was to each win a point. We did that and then some, taking 4 and turning what could have been a fiasco into a 8-16 loss. The result being a respectable 23 points after two weeks, with the squad yet to field its best team.

Fortune favors the bold.

It wasn't a big night for points. But we never quit and we rallied around each other. And we welcomed a new Dartbag into the fold. In short... it was a good night after all.

We'll take it.

FINAL SCORE: DARTBAGS - 8 - THREE PENNY OPERA -16

Kudos to Three Penny Opera who were gracious hosts and good company all night long.

ASP Recap:

Frank: 783

Vince: 340

Koyaaniskalstein: 108

Gins: ... GO, RANGERS!!!!