Escape From McSwiggan's! Starring Koyaaniskalstein

CAPTAIN'S LOG: DART DATE: 3 - 31 - 08

Riding high off a 15-9 start to the season, the first place Dartbags' (Most Drinkin'est and Friendliest Dart Team in NYC TM) 2nd match was more like an escape than a full on battle for points.

Due a bizarre series of events (much like the ones that befell the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant's ringers in their battle against Shelbyville) only 2 of the "George Keeley 7" were armed and ready.

In fact, Colin "The Microwave" O'Donnell was temporarily replaced on the roster by another old friend, Koyaaniskalstein (eat your heart out, Seal, Bono & Madonna), just so that we wouldn't play with 2 guys to start the night.

The infamous Koyaaniskalstein is not an A League dart player. In fact, he's not a dart player. But the fact is, he doesn't suck. And he was willing to help out in a pinch. He would play a pivotal role in the night before it was over.

SINGLES: 3-9

Some call it being a sacrificial lamb. Rambo called it being "Expendable". Our shorthand is "diving on a grenade". It means helping the team by playing a far superior opponent in order to give another player a better chance of getting points. That's what Koyaaniskalstein did in going first against Dave Strome.

And it was a gustsy, if not pretty effort by Koyaaniskalstein. Dave wracked up 299 ASPs. Koyaaniskalstein hung in and even managed a sweet 108 round to score some all star points of his own. But in the end. The highly skilled veteran was too much. He swept, with Koyaaniskalstein getting as low as 74 in one game.

Gutty effort, pal. We owe you one. 0-3

Next, Frank took on Hal Von Brockdorff. Frank and Hal have played each other a number of times. It's always close. Hal, sporting a Beltran jersey for Mets opening day, roared out off the box like Jose Reyes after a liner in the gap -- Ton-40 and Ton on his first two rounds and an 85 after that. Frank made it close but dropped the first. In the 2nd game it was the Captain hung closer and pulled out a double 2 winner to steal it. The final game was a well played affair with Frank going out in 24 darts to take the rubber match.

Whew. 2-4.

In the third set, it was Vince against Patricia, who still is a nasty dart player. And we mean that in a good way. Vince dropped the first in a listless affair, but in true Hornet's Nest fashion, Vince came out firing with an angry Ton to start the second and cruised to a victory. The last set was one in which both had their chances, in the end it was Pat nailing it first. 3-6

With Gins at MSG watching the Rangers beat the Penguin, it was on to cricket.

CRICKET 1 -5

Vince and Frank decided the only logical thing to do was team up in cricket, putting Koyaaniskalstein in the unenviable spot not only of playing darts for the first time in league, not only debuting in A-2, but of playing cricket Canadian.

Frank and Vince dropped the first against Hal and Ed in a close game. In the second game, the 'Bags got out to a lead on the strength of some R-4s from Vince. But the 15s and 16s seemed to have a forcefield around them, and Frank committed 2 mental errors by trying to point on a closed number and failing to use a third dart to close a number. Not good. They dropped the 2nd game. Vince took out his frustration on the 18s by throwing 6 of them and adding a 15 to make an R-7. The 'Bags kicked into gear and rolled to a W in the final game.

It was Koyaaniskalstein's turn to play 1 on 2 against Dave and Pat in cricket. Everyone knew he wasn't going to win. And he didn't. But this match had another, greater importance for the 'Bags. We had agreed with Captain Ed that if Ginsberg made it to the bar before the end of cricket, that we would go back and play his singles matches. So we didn't need Koyaaniskalstein to win. We just needed him to play. Slowly.

Because the Rangers just went in to overtime.

Dave and Pat made short work of him, with Dave popping a pair of R-7s. But as Three Penny Opera hit their last 15 and their first cork, in through the door walked an out of breath but smiling Mike Ginsberg.

Gins: Chris Drury. (pause) Overtime. (pause) Mr. Clutch (pause)... I had to run the last 5 blocks.

And much like Aragorn, who led the Gondor Army to the gates of Baradur in order to give Frodo time to destory the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom... Koyaaniskalstein had done his heroic duty.

Gins played Ed and put up a good fight. In the final game, sitting on 32, he went around the horn going 16, 8, 4... just missing each time. But the veteran, Ed made his first. Another valiant effort. We were proud of him.

Gins: I would have liked to have gotten one of those points... At least the Rangers won.

DOUBLES '01

Trailing 14-4, the 'Bags were on the brink of disaster. With Frank and Vince managing to only take 4 of 9 so far, our chances of a respectable result were dwindling.

The 'Bags had played in conservatively so far and it was the right thing to do.

But the Dartbags have always subscribed to the of philosophy of Virgil; "Fortune favors the bold." Vince and Frank deliberated.

Vince: You and me again?

Frank: Let's split up. We need points.

Vince: It's risky. Losing 20-4 would crush us. Put us in last place.

Frank: Yeah, but we could get 6. C'mon, guy... we could be heroes.

Vince got it.

Vince: Just for one night? ... Okay, you talked me into it.

It was Koyaanisfrankenstein vs. Dave and Pat in the first set.

Koyaaniskalstein: I just want to taste victory once in my dart career.

Franken'Stein (Man, I've been waiting for YEARS to write that one!) would face off against David and Patricia. Let it be said that Koyaaniskalstein did more than "dive on a grenade" for the team and act as a human rain delay this night, he also showed an uncanny ability to double in 'O1.

Frank missed his first shot but Koyaaniskalstein nailed a D-6 on his second dart, and then, aiming for bull, nailed a cork. (Nice.) The 'Bags extended the lead and Frank took out an 18 (9, 1, D-4) to win a nailbiter.

Koyaaniskalstein AGAIN doubled in on D-6 to get the 'Bags on the board. Trailing most of the match, the Captain caught lightning in a bottle and popped a Ton-80 to leave the 'Bags on 28. Koyaaniskalstein wired the hell out of the D-14 and D-7, and Frank punched it in to steal the second leg.

The last leg ended with the 'Bags racing out to a big lead and red-hot Furious One taking out a 108 (20, -T-16, D-20) to score the final point and complete the sweep. Three huge points against some very tough players.

Wow.

That's more than a taste of victory for Koyaaniskalstein. That's a Super Sized Happy Meal. 6-14.

The old Scarsdale Track teammates, Vince and Gins took on Hal and Ed in the final set of the night. The 'Bags got on a little late in the first game and a good comeback attempt fell short. But Vince led the charge in game two with a Ton and Gins (who chipped in with a couple of 70+ rounds in the set) sunk a double 8 to nail down the second game. Hal and Ed rebounded to take the rubber match.

Vince and I agreed that the goal was to each win a point. We did that and then some, taking 4 and turning what could have been a fiasco into a 8-16 loss. The result being a respectable 23 points after two weeks, with the squad yet to field its best team.

Fortune favors the bold.

It wasn't a big night for points. But we never quit and we rallied around each other. And we welcomed a new Dartbag into the fold. In short... it was a good night after all.

We'll take it.

FINAL SCORE: DARTBAGS - 8 - THREE PENNY OPERA -16

Kudos to Three Penny Opera who were gracious hosts and good company all night long.

ASP Recap:

Frank: 783

Vince: 340

Koyaaniskalstein: 108

Gins: ... GO, RANGERS!!!!

WRITE UP FOR WEEK #6: SCARY GOOD COMEBACK

CAPTAIN'S LOG: DART DATE: 10 - 29 - 07

Halloween in New York. You gotta love it. People in this town are so Type A, so driven, that when an opportunity comes along when you can "play against type" and just be a goofball... you gotta embrace it. Enter The 2nd Annual Halloween Dart Night (NOTE: PICTORIAL TO FOLLOW). Sure, we were missing 28% of the 'Bags (Tim had to work late and Gins was at the Ranger game). But we enjoyed the company of Colin "The Microwave" O'Donell. We had Lou Henry and his Starving Dartists drop by on their way to their C-3 match. Always good to see those guys. And we even managed to get 2 of 3 Klopchin sisters, Hopi and Holly. In addition Nellie and (Friend of Dartbags, F.O.D) Greg were on hand. Good crew. We knew regardless of the outcome, it would be a good night.

The 'Bags would take on Hands of Doom on "The Stage" at Barfly. It had been a while since we'd faced off against this bunch. The last time we saw HOD was B league playofss back on Tuesday when Farticus, Pew Lou, and the Surgeon were on active duty.

Usually, the 'Bags send Glenn up first. But not always. Glenn's logic was the final word on the matter.

Glenn: Ladies first.

So Mother Superior would lead off.

SINGLES: 5 - 7 Dartbags

Sister Frank vs. Ross Cohen

Ross came firing out of the gate leading off with a Ton. But he was just getting started. He caught a 66 next round. Then followed that up with a Ton-20. Two rounds later, he found himself on 95. But, Frank was hanging in, just 63 points off the pace. Ross stepped up and went first dart, T-19... 2nd dart D-19. Ho. Lee. Crap. Ross racked up 315 ASPs, hit a Treble every turn, took out a 95 and was gone in 17 darts. Wow. But the Captain kept his cool and took the second game, by hitting (what else) a D-1. And in the final game put away a 32 out with Ross poised to pounce on a 40 out. 2-1 Dartbags, but tip your cap to Ross. Best damn darts we've seen since Tony Roman pulled a 14 Darter on us.

Superglenn vs. Rob Evans

Another match up of people who's been playing each other for years. You knew this would be a good battle. Both shooters were streaky. SuperPike piled up 464 ASPs. But it was Rob who was hitting his outs first, taking the first two. Personally, I think part of the problem was the music. In addition to the usual hard-rocking, upbeat music, Frank had selected a Johnny Cash song, the old spiritual "The Legend of John Henry". Frank's father used to sing this song back in the 70s and Frank recalled it as a a soulful, yet lively, recounting of a man's indominable will (as well as a neocryptic metaphor for creeping Industrialism.) Unfortunately, this version was neither. In fact, I don't know what the hell it was. Usually, Johnny Cash is a safe bet. Not this time. In fact, half the song wasn't even singing, it was Johnny doing a mock dialogue between a quarry foreman and the eponymous John Henry replete with such cringe inducing lines as "Boy! Pick up that hammer!", "Yes sir!". And it went on... For. Ever. It made Freebird look like Louie Louie. The natives at Barfly were clearly getting restless. And by restless, I mean seriously annoyed.

Frank to Jen: The Legend of John Henry isn't quite the crowd pleaser I thought it would be.

Jen: Mmmmm, nope.

Frank: Geez... How long IS this song???

Colin: I think this is the Allman Brothers version.

But Piker didn't let the tragic demise of the "steel-drivin' man" ruin the entire set. He redoubled his focus in leg 3. He popped a D-10 to turn in a 9 turner in the final frame to salvage the point. All tied at 3-3. Whew. Done and Done.

Enter Cuppa Joe featuring a number of newly drawn tattoos vs. Jared DeMarino.

Cup looked pretty tough, I must say. Evidently Barfly patrons agreed. So much so that he was mistaken for the bouncer when he stood by the front door. Always the "Method Actor", Cup submerged himeslf in his role by ID'ing several patrons as they entered the bar.

Cup: ID?

Confused Girl: Oh. Sorry. Umm... I got it in here somew-

Cup: That's all right. C'mon in.

It took Cup a little time to reach cruising altitude in this set. He got out of the gate slowly and Jared D took the first one. By the end he was hot as a freshly made Stouffer's French Bread Pizza (which, if you'll recall your childhood, is roughly the same temperature as bubbling magma). In set two he nearly took out a 152, going T-20, T-20 before missing the D-16. He hit it next dart. And in the second set he went T-19, T-20, S-16 (135) to put himself on 92. Then went S-1, T-17, D-20 to close it out. Gone in 20 darts. The Flaming Cuppa Joe tattoo on his forearm said it all. Hombre es mas en fuego. Great stuff. 5-4 'Bags

Shaggy Vince vs. Matt Heit.

Vince piled up 4 tons along the way. Usually quality rounds earn you a victory. But not this time. Matt simply shot great. He piled up 505 ASPs of his own and was gone in what seemed like 7 to 9 rounds everytime. Sometimes you just run into a buzzsaw. It happens. Another tip of the cap and - hey, wait a minute... we're freaking LOSING! First time all year we've been trailing after singles. Dang. 5-7 HOD

CRICKET: 4 -2 Dartbags

FrankenPike facedd off against Ross and Jen Lilya. Frank got it rolling with 5 20s and the 'Bags never looked back. Ross and Captain Jen stepped up their game in the 2nd leg, but the 'Bags held on. In the final leg, Frank popped a T-20, T-19 and Pike wasn't missing. They took the last one to complete the sweep. Needed that one. 8-7 'Bags

Cup'nVince faced Rob and matt in what would prove to be a tough match. Rob's rep among the D'Bags is well known and Matt seemed intent on making one. The HOD took the first one with stellar darts. But the 'Bags counterpunched in set two with Cup throwing big rounds and Vince chipping in for the win. But Cuppa Joe's broad shoulders were not enough to overcome good darts by Rob and Matt in the final set. Dang. And once again we were tied, this time 9-all.

DOUBLE '01: 6 - 0 Dartbags

It was FrankenVince in the final set taking on Matt and Jen. The Hornet's Nest did the heavy lifing here going In 2 times and Out 3 times. (Two of those outs were in the same exact spot on the board, the D-4 just over the wire of the D-13. Weird). After winning the first two in close matches, Frank offered an observation.

Frank: We gotta pick it up, guy, if we're going to take the last one.

Vince: What do you mean 'we'? I've gotten us in and out twice and I hit 2 Tons.

Frank: (pause) I see your point.

So the Cap heated up long enough to toss a couple of all stars and Vince again drove the nail to take the W - and the sweept. 12-9 'Bags

Cup and Glenn took on Matt and Rob in the finale. There were 3 points out there for the taking. The night could end up anywhere from a tie to a nice win. Cup and Glenn were terrific. Both men got on quickly and out on the first few darts. In addition, they were lighting up the ASPs with over 500 between them. Details are sketchy and viewed through Jamesons colored glasses, but sufficie it to say the Good Guys took all three points and Cup once again had a High O with a searing DS-116 in game 3. Great work from the Astorians and a great way to finish the evening.

FINAL SCORE: DARTBAGS - 15 : HANDS OF DOOM - 9

This was a good night all around. HOD were good shots and a great hosts. Rather than look down on the silliness of Halloween Darts they were on board, and we shared some hearty laughs along the way. This bunch likes to have a good time. If not for a late run by the 'Bags, this one could have gone either way. As it was, we'll consider ourselves fortunate to get 15 points and run the unbeaten streak to 17 weeks. We'll look forward to seeing them at our place in December.

All Star Recap:

Bouncer Cup: 719 (Is there anyone in A-3 playing better?)
Super Glenn: 698 (Pike-like as the night progressed)
Shaggy Vince: 600 (Carried us in D '01)
Sister Frank: 558 (Looked suprisingly good in Habit)